Broken Dreams
by lostmidtranslation
Summary: Sometimes Dreams can turn to nightmares, and Peeta knows that all too well. Peeta/Katniss, post games
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though.**_

_**~ As you can see from the summary. Sometimes dreams can turn into nightmares, and only one or two people can stop that. Peeta's heavily affected by the Games and the Aftermath, and he's not really sure who to turn to. Peeta/Katniss. **_

_**-x-x-x**_

_**Peeta**_

I stepped up onto the platform, the raised stage which Katniss and I would have given anything _not _to be standing on nearly four weeks ago. It was the one place I truly hadn't wanted to be, but now, now I was glad to be home. We took our seats in silence, my hand reached out for Katniss' instinctively, fury bubbling through me as I realised I should stop. I couldn't, and I didn't want to, but if I didn't… She hated me already. Why give her another reason to feel that way?

I looked out into the crowd and saw Gale, Katniss' tall, dark and handsome friend, and immediately, I felt inferior. I felt small, young, pathetic and weak. It didn't matter that I was the victor of one of the most dangerous games in existence, and that for that to happen, I had had to show something I had never intended to show. Katniss was never supposed to know. Katniss should never have been put in that position in the first place.

I hated the reaping. I hated the Capitol. I hated myself.

"Miss Katniss Everdeen, and Mr Peeta Mellark!" I rose from the chair on autopilot, and looked out at the faces in the crowd. Everyone looked proud. Everyone looked happy.

But they were looking at Katniss. Nobody remembered me. I was the one who was hopeless, in the beginning, I was the one that cried when I said goodbye to my father, who _wished_ their mother had told me to be safe, and to look after myself, but had had to put up with a "Good luck. Make sure Katniss comes back for us." which left a ringing in my ears. Nobody sent me the District 12 salute. They expected me to die. They weren't going to miss the baker's son.

It left me determined to win. But it left me determined to die, just so I could show them all. I had been torn until those words had slipped from my mouth in the interview. Then I knew I had to die. Just so she knew I could do anything for her, and I _would_ do it.

When they changed the rules, I admit, I panicked. I nearly threw it away, because by the time I was lying in the mud, confused, and burning up, I thought I was dead. I walked into Cato's trap - he knew I would want to protect Katniss, he knew I would take anything to protect her, and he used it. It hurt as well. My new leg was strange. I couldn't get used to the feeling of part of me being missing, though, I knew, I would have been dead if not for her. I dared to look across to her, she was beaming at the crowd, totally unaffected. I hadn't slept in three nights. I had known not that she wouldn't, but that she couldn't love me.

It broke me inside, but, as I looked down at the crowd, I saw Madge. She had her arms locked around Gale. She was leaning into him, his hand on her waist, and for the first time in three days, I smiled genuinely. It was wrong of me to be so happy that she would be so hurt, but I hoped against hope that I would be the one she came to for help, and for a second, I allowed myself to imagine it. Immediately I felt guilty, but I looked at her again and I felt sick, I felt tired of lying to myself, and I wanted to break down.

As soon as we were allowed to sit back down, I strode away from the stage and walked back to the room I had been in over an hour ago. I felt damned, I felt broken and I was hurt. The past month had given me so much, it had made so many new things for me, and it had started to make me aware that life was short. I wanted to be with her. I had the chance. I had every chance of doing it - I could do it, and if I had any guts, I would do it.

"Peeta." His voice made me jump out of my skin, I was on my feet in a second, twisting and looking at him, my eyes wide. He stepped into the room without being asked. "Was she faking it?"

"Faking what?" I said sullenly, angry and hurt. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

"She… won't see me." Gale murmured, running a hand through his hair, "She ran off after you, but I think she missed where you went." I smiled at the awkward expression on his face. "I…" He looked away. "I never felt anything more than fraternity with Katniss." He sighed and grinned as I looked at him sideways. "Don't think I missed you glaring at me out there."

"Thought you'd missed that." I couldn't help but return. He nodded at me and moved to sit down.

"Do you mind?" He said softly, I shook my head and he took the seat in the corner. For a long minute, we were in silence, then, he looked at me, blinked twice and smiled. "Katniss told me you gave her family bread when she was eleven." He said softly. The smile in his voice was obvious.

"I would never see her starve." I replied quickly, staring at my feet. "I couldn't stand to see her hurt." I took a breath, "Do you think… what I said before… at the interviews…" I looked up at him, "Did I hurt her?"

He looked taken aback at my words, frowned for a minute and then looked at me, a small smile on his face. Slowly, he shook his head.

"I think… I think you gave her a reason not to lose herself in the games." He said, "But… I do think that… well, I think that if you hadn't said it… one of you'd be dead." His voice was low, hoarse.

"It's alright. We're not."

"That's not what I came here to tell you." He said after a few minutes pause. "I came to tell you… that if you pursue her…" He looked at me, then glanced away. "Do you know what?"

"What?" I was getting tired of his games, tired of the cryptic crap he was selling me here.

"I think you're better than you give yourself credit for." I raised an eyebrow and he looked at me, a slight smirk twisting his features. "You're handsome. You're funny, and trust me, you're so much better than you think."

With that, he rose, leaving me sitting there, looking confused. A second later, he returned, pressed something into my hand, and turned to leave again.

"What's this?" I glanced at the thing in my hand. The key in my hand.

"It's the key to your new home." He raised an eyebrow. "Lucky you." There was a small pause, and we watched each other warily for a moment. "The boy with the bread, and the girl on fire." He said, almost inaudibly, "Provider, destroyer." He ran his tongue over his lips and slowly raised his eyebrows. "I like it."

Without another word, he was gone, and I was staring at the place in which he'd stood, only moments ago.

_The provider, the destroyer. The baker, the hunter. The boy with the bread, and the girl on fire. _Katniss Everdeen. Peeta Mellark. Perfect opposites… Perfect… partners?

… -x-x- …

_**A/N: This will have more chapters. It'd be awful if I left it there. I'll update, if you review?**_

_**Love ya already!**_

_**xxx**_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though._

_~ If you left an anonymous review - please check the authors note at the bottom of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there'll be a reply down there… _

_Of course, I only ask for three things - Read on, Enjoy, and REVIEW!!! _

_**-x-x-x-**_

_The provider, the destroyer. The baker, the hunter. The boy with the bread, and the girl on fire. Katniss Everdeen. Peeta Mellark. Perfect opposites… Perfect… partners?_

_**-x-x-x- **_

_**Peeta**_

I sat in that room for a long time, on my own and in silence, staring at the key and wondering exactly what this meant. I sucked in a breath and looked at the door as there was a light knock on it.

"Come in." I said reflexively, hoping against hope that this would be Katniss. She should have found me by now. I was a little disappointed as I looked up to see my father step in.

Well. He technically _wasn't _my father. My parents had adopted me when I was small, barely a year. It had been dad's idea, apparently, he had wanted a son, a real son _- for my mother had my brothers by other men_, and for once, my mother had shut up, let him do what he wanted, and I was brought to them, mainly, I think, because I looked like him.

Edward Mellark was the closest I'd known to a father, Meika Mellark the closest to a mother. They were total opposites, and I didn't know what to expect from either of them most of the time.

"Son!" It was the first time I had seen him in four months, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close, I could smell the bakery on him, "How have you been? Well, I know how you've been, but…" He stopped and dropped his voice, "_Really_, how have you-"

"I think it was better than I expected it to be." I closed my eyes and thought of Katniss, "A lot better than I thought it would be."

"I don't doubt it." He squeezed my shoulder lightly, "I knew you were a fighter on the inside, Peeta." And the genuine tone in his voice hit me. I was nearly in tears by the time he had hugged me again. "I always believed you'd come back-"

"You were about the only one." I said, straight and blunt.

"You're my son, Peeta. You truly are." He smiled at me and I bit back the tears again. I hadn't cried this much since he had come to see me just after the Reaping. I needed someone to make me cry again, and I think it was him.

We spoke for an hour about the Capitol, about the Games, about the life I had led for the past three months - the life behind the cameras, off-screen, and then Effie appeared.

She burst through the door without knocking, her wig coming askew, and I knew that I had to go. There was nothing stopping me from telling her I was busy, but she looked at me with that look, and I swallowed nervously.

"Umm…" I looked at my dad and he stared back at me with a small smile on his face. There was something he wanted to say, desperately, honestly, and I knew he would never say it with her in the room. "Can you give us a minute?" I asked hopefully, and something happened that I never thought possible. She smiled at me, genuinely, and nodded, closing the door behind her.

"Son…" My dad smiled and wrapped his arms around me again, "Good luck." Another nod and he let me go, offering his hand. "You've done more than I ever could in such a short space of time." I took his hand and we shook for a long minute.

I had never realised what it would be like to say goodbye to Edward Mellark until four months ago, and then I swore I'd never put myself through it again. He had protected me for years, when I feared my mother, when she hit me, he always protected me, and I had had to walk away from that, my mother's cutting remarks in my ears. He had returned and cared for me for an hour, and now I was walking away from that, again.

I wondered if I'd ever find a family of my own, somewhere I could truly belong.

-x-

"Well, Mr. Mellark, we were going to introduce the pair of you to the house at the same time, but it seems that because, after the little stunt you pulled, Katniss has run off looking for you, we're going to have to do it separately." Effie stopped talking as we got to the outskirts of town, the opposite direction from the Seam, towards the huge gated community that seemed to be empty, but shone with promise, hope, and glass.

So much glass. It shone and glinted and it hurt my eyes to be honest with you. It was probably worse than watching the Career Tributes' food go up in the mortar explosion Katniss set off. I groaned and blinked as I looked at it.

"Alright, Peeta?!" She said softly, "Well, I'll let you go in and explore for yourself." She smiled, and handed me a small piece of plastic. "It's a key card. You'll need that to get in." She muttered, before practically shoving me out of the car and waiting for me to walk up to the gates alone. I would need the piece of plastic to get through the gates, I thought as I turned it over and looked at it blankly.

"Are you alright, Peeta?" I turned to see Effie looking at me, concerned, her head poking out of the window. "Just swipe the card vertically down the strip." She said, as though I was five, and this was the simplest thing in the world.

I followed her instructions and gasped as the screen beside the swipe-bar lit up.

"_Reserved for winners of the Hunger Games_," I read as the words criss-crossed the screen and the bright light morphed, "Scanning features." I froze as a light came on just above the screen, wondering if something was going to pop out of the woodwork and attack me. "_Peeta Mellark. Winner of the 74th__ Hunger Games." _I didn't need a screen to tell me what I already knew, but I relaxed as the gates slid open.

Beautiful, new, sturdy houses looked down upon me, nobody else there to appreciate them. I was alone in the world, and as the gates slid closed behind me, I knew I should be happy, because in these houses, I would want for nothing, and I would be strong enough to fulfil my every dream. Until I was alone, in bed, at night, and I couldn't protect myself from the nightmares.

Since I had woken up in the middle of the Capitol, and found my leg was made partially of metal, I had been haunted by dreams of people chasing me, of the robot wolves that stalked Katniss, Cato and I through the Cornucopia. I had been haunted by blades, blood, violence and death, haunted by tears, and heartbreak, and… I was genuinely haunted by everything I'd been through. It scared me, because I couldn't control it.

I was afraid of my dreams - I couldn't control them and it frightened me.

Looking down at my key, I was brought back to reality. The interlinking HG glinted in the sunlight, and as I turned it over, a PM was reflected on the other side. My initials. Permanently reflected by the Games.

I felt sick. It was like the key was me. One side was the sane, normal Peeta Mellark, with nothing special and everything right, and the crush on Katniss and the humanity that was the daytime. The other side was the Games. The other side was the murder, and the blood, and the nightmares I knew would come as soon as I closed my eyes.

The gold key was marked with a large number 7, so I naturally assumed that the seventh house would be my new home, so I strode towards it, confidently, as though I knew exactly what I was doing. I'd never moved house before. I didn't know what to expect, so, nervously, I slid the key into the lock, turned it and pushed the door open bracing myself for anything, everything that was about to come.

… -x-x- …

_**A/N: I'll update, if you review? How's that for a compromise?**_

_**Love ya already!**_

_**Xxx**_

_**A/N:2 - to my anonymous reviewers:**_

_**Egypt**__: __I'm sick of them staring each other down, for now at least - they always seem to be so angry with each other and I don't think they really know each other, you know? But, of course, their temporary truce… well, it's Temporary haha! I like their sympathetic sides, definitely, and let me know what you thought of this update! I'll get writing the next one ASAP! xx_

_**Nairobi: **__Drama? Me? Never!! (okay, maybe that was sarcasm!) haha, of course there'll be drama, but you know, Katniss and Peeta living together… it's gonna be interesting either way, isn't it?! Haha xx_

_**Jazzy: **__I'm glad I'm not the only one that wanted this to happen. Trust me, if I'd had my way, Peeta would have snogged Katniss right at the end, just to prove he wasn't going to give up haha xx_

_**Angie: **__I've updated! I hope it's not real bad to leave it at this one for now - I'll update ASAP again… if you review lolol : ) xx_

_**Jamika:**__ I'm in love with the little update song you've invented!! Please, keep singing !! Haha xx_

_**Ginger: **__More reviews mean more updates (they spur me on lolol) xx_

_**Aalaiya: **__Glad you're enjoying! And haha, I'll update asap! xx_

_**RosyPosy123: **__Glad you're loving it! I'll update ASAP once again!! xx_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though.**_

_**~ If you left an anonymous review - please check the authors note at the bottom of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there'll be a reply down there… **_

_**Of course, I only ask for three things - Read on, Enjoy, and REVIEW!!! **_

_**-x-x-x-**_

_I didn't know what to expect, so, nervously, I slid the key into the lock, turned it and pushed the door open bracing myself for anything, everything that was about to come. _

_**-x-x-x- **_

**Peeta**

I was almost surprised. Nothing threw itself at me, nothing screamed, nothing shot at me, and nothing burst into flame.

"Hello?" I offered, hoping against hope that someone was already here, someone who would be able to tell me what the hell was going on.

Silence greeted me and I swallowed, sure I could hear the echo of the movement as I let out a long breath. I was alone. It calmed me for a minute, but then I realised that I wouldn't know what to do with anything in the house.

"Peeta?" There was a metallic grating sound, and Effie's voice jumped through me, echoing through the empty hall. "Can you buzz me in?"

"Where are you?" I said, jumping around, trying to place where the voice was coming from. "Can you see me?" She refused to acknowledge my question.

"Can you see the panel on the wall?" I flicked my eyes around the room for a second, and then looked at the doorframe. My gaze settled just beside the door, where there was a small panel with a lot of buttons on it, like the one outside on the gates. I swallowed and stepped forward, inspecting it minutely and pushing a few buttons. There was a microphone grate there, and when Effie cleared her throat and when, at the touch of one of the buttons, a screen sprang into life, with an image of Effie standing outside the gates on it, I realised that was where she was speaking from.

"Yes." My voice was scratchy from half an hour's crying with my father and the silent drive from there to here. The red light beside the screen flashed for a second and I jolted as her voice echoed through the hallway once more.

"Push the green button." I did, and I heard a soft buzzing noise come from the microphone. "Thank you. I'll be at the house in a moment. I forgot to give you some things, for Katniss, and the suchlike." I nodded, before realising the red light had gone off, so she couldn't hear me… and realising that you can't hear someone nod either way.

I wouldn't have to wait long, I knew, but I figured that I may as well look as though I was at home when she got to the house, so I pulled off my jacket, kicked off my shoes and sat down on the bottom step of the staircase. I hadn't had a chance to look around yet, but I reckoned there were quite a few rooms in the place, and I wondered, almost perversely, whether the Capitol had expected Katniss and me to share a room… to share a bed. I closed my eyes and imagined her face at the prospect of it. She definitely wouldn't like it at all, which hurt, but I could expect it.

There were three sharp raps on the door and I got up slowly, knowing it was only Effie Trinket, and to be honest with you, not caring that it was her. I wanted to see Katniss, right now. I really, really wanted to see her. _I was turning into such a girl._

"How can I help you?" I didn't invite her in. I wasn't interested in talking to her. She dropped off Katniss' key and her swipe-pass, and left, although, as I closed the door behind her, I realised I hadn't asked her about all of the appliances in the kitchen.

Still, no time like the present to explore, right?

**Katniss**

I'd completely lost Peeta about half an hour ago. I'd guessed that he'd gone home, and made my way back to the bakery, trying to find him there. I imagined he'd be icing cakes, or something like that, to take his mind off everything.

I was met with a locked up bakery, the cakes in the window looking un-iced, and the ones on the shelves that I could see through the window looked poorly done, at best. _Maybe Peeta was the one who did the most out here. Maybe he was the face of the shop. _

"Peeta?" I offered, calling out to him to see if he was in there. I was met with silence, and figured that the place was empty and locked up because they were all at the square in the centre of town. _Where I should be. _

On a whim, I looked around the back of the building, to see if he was out there, where we had first properly… interacted. The snuffling of the pigs was the only noise out here, save for the rustling of the tree in the yard. I padded forward and tried to navigate through the slurry so I could sit down under the huge Oak that had grown there for as long as I could remember.

Looking out into the road - I could see it if I craned my neck _just right _and sat up a little straighter - I saw the people of District 12 start to wander back home, still discussing the interviews we had given.

Except I never heard Peeta's name caught by the wind and sent spiralling toward me. I bowed my head as I listened. Everything seemed to revolve around me, every conversation was about _how I hadn't changed, how I looked as beautiful as ever, how I… how I-_

"I don't know where he went, actually, Madge." Gale's deep, calming voice carried over to me easily, and I looked up in his direction, "Said something about seeing his son, and that he was worried about him…" I looked over and found them in the crowd, staring at the bakery, now without saying a word.

"Oh… well, I'll have to go to Peeta later on, I must say congratulations to him." Gale's arms found his way around her shoulders and I felt a little sick.

"I doubt he wants congratulations." He said hollowly, "I think he thinks he's lost."

"Why?" I looked over, realising I had spoken the word at the same time as Madge. "He's come home alive-"

"But Katniss…" He murmured, "She… doesn't see it. She doesn't see him clearly." I frowned slightly.

I could see Peeta perfectly well, thank-you-very-much. I closed my eyes and pictured him, as usual, he was dressed simply in Jeans and a T-shirt, as usual, his old trainers muddy. His hair was a mess, something I'd grown accustomed to, and he looked shattered, tired, but afraid to fall asleep. There was a dullness in his eyes, dampening the joyful spark that was left over from the Games - not the spark of happiness that he was killing someone, but the happiness that we were together, and I was kissing him, he was kissing me. He wouldn't meet my eyes, as usual, but they were still a shiny, vibrant blue and they were strong. Then my imagination made him look at me and he smiled, just slightly, but it was still a bloody smile.

And there was something in his eyes I'd seen a million times, but had never _noticed_ in his eyes before. I couldn't place it, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to. His imaginary hand reached out for mine, and I reached out for his, and he joined me, sitting there, under that tree, in perfect silence. I couldn't help but stare at the hallucination.

I blinked twice, and sighed as he disappeared into the darkness as my mind lost the image and the sunset claimed the rest of the landscape.

"Katniss?" The voice startled me - I'd been left to my own devices for more than three and a half hours, now, I reckoned, and was wondering if anyone really cared about my presence, or it was simply the fact that I had survived that people cared about. If it was the latter, I didn't understand why they pretended that Peeta didn't exist. If it was the former, I supposed it was nice to get that attention for five more minutes than Peeta.

"Hello?" I peered into the darkness and was startled by the appearance of a very familiar pair of eyes.

"Miss. Everdeen!" Oh, it wasn't him. Those eyes were clearly a family trait, "It's late out. You should probably go home?" He said it as a question, more than a demand. "You'll want to see your mother before you move into your new home -"

"Hmm." I nodded, but wasn't really taking in his words. Mr. Mellark was a nice man, really. He offered me his hand to help me to my feet and I felt the warmth in it as our palms touched. _Almost as warm as Peeta's hands, really,_ I found myself thinking blindly. There was a slight tinge of longing as he pulled away and I wanted that warmth again. I wanted to feel Peeta's hand in mine, like this afternoon when we'd stepped onto that stage in the centre of the District.

I couldn't deny we'd had a connection, of sorts, in the middle of the Games, but really… it was all an act, wasn't it.

"Would you like to come in for a drink, Katniss? We have Tea… the mayor gave us some when Peeta was chosen, we've never finished it…"

"Yes…" I nodded, "Have you seen Peeta?" I swallowed as I looked up into his face. There was concern etched in his gaze that had me worried immediately.

"He got dragged off by Effie Trinkett." He said, with a small laugh in his voice, "To the new part of town-"

"He never said goodbye?" I asked, stunned. I'd always got the feeling that Peeta was close to his father.

"He said he'd see me later. Peeta doesn't do goodbye." He smiled, "But really, it's hardly my business to be asking him to say goodbye to that one-" He laughed lightly, jerking his thumb back towards the house. "He never did like her."

I wondered how he could stand for anyone to talk about his wife like that, least of all his own son, but the thought left me, as he took my hand as though I was eight years old, and led me inside and to the kitchen table.

"Do you like sugar?" His question threw me slightly, and I wondered at the lack of care he seemed to have. "Or…?"

"I'll have some, please." I said, realising he was talking to me. "Um… shouldn't-"

"Peeta be here?" He smiled again, "Silly thing, I told you, he's in the Winner's Circle now. You should be there as well, you know. Effie was looking for you, but you'd disappeared-"

"I was looking for him."

"How did you end up-" He looked confused and I launched into the explanation of what had brought Peeta and I to recognise each other in the streets, but never to have a conversation.

"He's saved my life, at least twice-"

"You saved his," He countered easily, and I felt my face heating up, "I can see why he thinks you're beautiful when you blush-" He stopped speaking and handed me my cup of tea. "He went on and on about it. Apparently you got picked on a lot in class?"

"Yeah." I nodded awkwardly and took a mouthful of my drink, choking as it burned the roof of my mouth and my tongue. "It was because I lived in the Seam." I murmured.

"I see." He nodded and went to the doorway that led further into the house. "Kiran!" He yelled sharply, and I heard the thundering of footsteps on stairs as Peeta's brother ran down them.

"Da'?" He grinned and swept a hand through his hair, "Was Peeta alright when you said g'bye?"

"He said he'd see us soon, but…" There was a pause, "Listen, would you mind walking Katniss to her mums?" Kiran looked at me and smiled, "And when she's done, would you walk her to the newest part of town? The Winner's Circle?"

"Yeah, no problems, Da'." He disappeared for a minute or so, and I heard him struggling with his shoes, then he reappeared and grinned at me, his coat slung over his shoulders. "Ready, Miss. Everdeen?" He grinned, sarcasm dripping from his voice as he said my name.

"As I'll ever be." I smiled back, quite liking Peeta's brother.

I followed him out of the kitchen, and he put an arm around me, making me feel as though I was his little sister. I quite liked him, really. He was nice.

"Can't wait to see your new place. Did you hear that pink wigged thing say that you'd be living together?" I froze mid-step as he spoke and looked up at him, "Clearly not. Well, you are!" There was some false joy in his voice, but he was grinning. "He's pretty easy to live with, as long as you don't touch his books and you let him have space-"

"I'm not living with him." I felt myself blurting out, "Not in…" I sighed and frowned slightly. "I'm living with Peeta Mellark." I felt my stomach do a strange little flip and it made me smile inside.

"No," Kiran grinned at me and I frowned slightly.

"But you just-"

"You're living _alone _with Peeta Mellark. Slight difference, but seriously, that's quite an advantage." I looked at him, confused.

"Well, you've got him twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, permanently. You'll find out everything you need to know about him." He looked away for a second, and I was confused for the time it took his expression to rearrange into one of extreme sadness, "And some things you _won't _want to hear."

I breathed out heavily and looked up at him. It was strange. I couldn't see Peeta at all in his features, he looked totally different from him - his features, his stance, his body, his smile. Kiran was attractive, but I found, as I looked at him, that he looked nothing like Peeta. And I didn't like that.

"Show me where I'm going, then, Kiran."

"What d'you mean?" He frowned slightly and looked at me sideways, a small smile on his face.

"Take me to the Winner's Circle." He smiled at me and nodded, taking my hand and practically dragging me in the other direction, away from the seam and towards the shiny gates that closed off the Winner's Circle to the rest of the world.

**Peeta**

I'd never struggled with working an oven, to be honest. It was pretty easy once you understood the basic set-up - pick your temperature, if it's gas_, light the gas_, if it's electric, _have fun with that,_ then set the timer, and go.

The fridge was full, neat and tidy, but I couldn't resist taking everything out and reordering it, because it just wouldn't do to look like that. Until Katniss came into the house, it would look exactly how I wanted it to. I pulled out some meat from one of the shelves and stuck it into the oven, then found some potatoes and cut them, boiled them a little and put them in the oven with the meat.

I realised that I had prepared at least enough for two of us to have a more-than hearty meal, three if I divided the portions into smaller sizes - although it would still be a decent meal - though who would come calling at this time of night?

I laughed to myself as I set the timer, and started wandering around the house, finding a laundry room, with piles of towels and fresh clothes all over the place. I picked up what looked to be my sets and carried them upstairs, searching for a room, which I could put them in. I picked the biggest room, the master bedroom, and put them all into drawers and cupboards. Bored then, I ran down the stairs and searched through the rooms downstairs, finding a million things I never expected to see - Televisions, music players, a largish dining room, and what amazed me most, three bookshelves, stacked with books of all kinds.

They looked old, antique, perhaps, because nobody made books anymore, it was a lengthy process and cost far too much for the select audience who craved them. There had been a library in the centre of the District until I was ten. It had been burned down, late in the year, as a protest to the Reaping.

The thought made me sick, and coupled with the tiredness I was feeling, it made me feel grimy, horrible and uncomfortable. I didn't want to be reliving the Games in my head again for a while.

I strode upstairs, thinking to have a shower - something I'd sort of grown accustomed to as I had made my way around the districts with Katniss, and had just found my way to the master bedroom - which seemed to have the only bathroom in the house joined to it, and was in the midst of pulling my clothes off, when the buzzer rang.

Without thinking I may need clothes on, I let my shirt pool on the floor, pulled my belt back on and did it up, running barefoot down the stairs, and jumping the last four with a loud, juvenile _"Yahooo!"_

"Who is it?" I shouted from six feet away, not quite sure how to work the camera, and not really bothered with pushing buttons just yet.

"'S your big brother!" Kiran's excited voice cut through the other one, who, I assumed, was either Orrin, my other brother, or Ella, Kiran's girlfriend. "Bought you a present! Let us in!"

"Overexcited much?" I grinned to myself and pushed the same button I had for Effie a couple of hours ago, the green light came on and, miraculously _- for I was hardly competent with Capitol Technology _- I had buzzed them in.

There was a light knock at the door about two minutes later, and a loud laugh. Kiran, for definite. I threw the door open, and immediately regretted leaving my shirt on the bathroom floor.

"Um…" Words failed me as Katniss stared at me, standing beside my older brother. "Hi." I mustered the single sentence and grinned like an idiot.

"You gonna invite us in?" Kiran grinned back at me, and then pushed past me without invitation, "Love what you've done with the place-"

"Cheeky git!" I jumped on his back as soon as he turned away from me, "Ladies come in first!" He laughed, and threw me off onto the rug.

"That'll be why you're showing off your muscles, will it?" He laughed and prodded me in the ribs. I kicked him off of me and stood up; running a hand through my hair, and realising it desperately needed a trim.

"Katniss, come in, this is your house too-" I couldn't help my grin that time, and smiled to myself as she stepped over the threshold, looking thoroughly overwhelmed.

The oven timer went off and I stepped deliberately over my brother, who was still lying on the floor, looking like an idiot, and into the kitchen, pulling the meat from the main oven and the potatoes from the oven shelf.

… -x-x- …

_**A/N: I'll update, if you review? How's that for a compromise?**_

_**Love ya already!**_

_**Xxx**_

_**A/N:2 - to my anonymous reviewers:**_

_**Nairobi: **__Double the length of my last one… how's that?! Haha … and Katniss is in this one, you'll see her more in the next one, obviously lolol… hope you're enjoying! Please let me know what you thought! xx_

_**Jazzy: **__I'm well up for them hating each other, but that might well be another story lolol, and haha, I'm full of the twists and turns - don't ever stop paying attention!! Haha hope you're enjoying! Let me know!! xx_

_**Jamika:**__ OMGOSH I adore that you're writing poetry to get me to keep updating! It's brilliant!! (I'm not sure of the rhythm - was never very good at these sort of things) BUT WOW!! Nobody's ever written something as AMAZING like that for me!! I'll update soon, and hope you enjoyed this one - let me know in song, or… however you wanna express the love!! xx_


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though._

_~ If you left an anonymous review - please check the authors note at the bottom of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there'll be a reply down there… _

_Of course, I only ask for three things - Read on, Enjoy, and REVIEW!!! _

_**-x-x-x-**_

_**-x-x-x- **_

**Katniss**

I was dumbstruck as I stood in the open doorway. Peeta only had his jeans on, his left hand hooked in his pocket, his right hand giving an awkward wave _hello_.

"Um…" I looked at him, unable to form a simple greeting, "Hi." He grinned, turning slightly pink and adjusting his stance slightly.

"You gonna invite us in?" Kiran's voice startled me, and I jolted slightly - I'd completely forgotten he was standing there. He stepped over the threshold before Peeta could say anything and I was stunned as he laughed, "Love what you've done with the place-"

"Cheeky git!" Peeta swung his arms around his brother's shoulders and practically vaulted onto his back - _was this a normal greeting for them, or was he genuinely about to attack Kiran? _"Ladies come in first!" I was still standing in the doorway, taking in the scene as Peeta glanced over his shoulder at me and smiled apologetically, before tugging lightly at his brother's hair.

Within a second, Kiran had pulled Peeta over his shoulder and thrown him onto his back on the rug, and was leaning over him, holding him in a body-lock.

"That'll be why you're showing off your muscles, will it?" Peeta's cheeks flushed red, but I wasn't sure if it was because of the effort it took to push Kiran off him, or whether it was embarrassment. I stared at the brothers for a minute, trying to work out how they could be related.

Peeta rose to his feet and ran a hand through his hair, and Kiran remained lying on the floor, shifting to put his hands behind his head and relaxing as he laid back and stared up at the ceiling.

"Katniss, come in, this is your house too-" he said, and his face broke into a huge grin, which frightened me slightly, but I came in anyway. Setting the key card onto the table and taking off my shoes, I knew my face was bright pink and my eyebrows had hit my hairline as soon as the gates had opened back down the road.

I was stunned, and I was scared, and I was a little bit terrified of what was going to happen. _What if he hated me? What if he never wanted to speak to me again after everything we've been through? What-_

I was broken from my thoughts by the sound of a buzzer, breaking through the happy atmosphere. I jumped out of my skin as Peeta turned quickly, sprinting into the kitchen, and I accidentally hit a large glass bowl with my elbow and sent it spiralling to the floor.

I swallowed, jumping back as everything fell on the floor, the keys, cards and notes already sitting in the bowl tumbling to the floor as the glass shattered into about a thousand pieces and I let out an involuntary yelp.

There was silence through the hallway as Kiran slowly got to his feet and stared at the mess on the floor.

"Katniss, you alright?" Peeta appeared in the doorway, holding potatoes on a metal tray with a tea-towel, and looking concerned, "I- oh." He took one look at the glass on the floor and stopped dead. "Wait there."

His voice was dead, with a sort of _I-expected-better-than-this_ quality to it, and that annoyed the hell out of me. He reappeared a minute or so later, with a broom and a small dustpan. He looked at Kiran and thrust the implements into his hands without a word, then turned back and looked at me, offering me a small smile before returning to the kitchen.

I stared at the floor, feeling almost guilty as Kiran started sweeping up with a tiny smile on his face. When I could navigate my way to the kitchen, I stepped towards it and stopped in the doorway. Peeta had put everything onto three plates, and it looked delicious, but I was more concerned about the chef than I was about the food. He was sitting with his head in his hands at the table, his fingers locked in his hair and his icy-blue eyes boring holes into the table, so intense was his gaze.

"Peeta?" I spluttered his name and he looked up at me, terrified that he'd been caught.

"Uh… the food's- I was just going to call you - I should go and-" He was rushing his words and starting a million sentences without finishing them. His hands flew through his hair and he blushed a bright, embarrassed pink.

"Are you alright?" I heard myself asking, and he smiled, though his lips were pressed together tightly, "Just… uh-"

"I'm fine." He said firmly, his lips barely moving. "I-I'll just go and get a shirt on, and… um-" he stopped speaking as I laid my hand on his shoulder and he smiled slightly. I could feel the heat from his bare skin as his shoulders lifted lightly in a slight shrug.

"I've just got all of the glass, bro." Kiran said, and the moment was gone. Peeta stepped smartly past me and I felt the blush creep up the skin of my cheeks, I stared after him as he disappeared up the stairs and I flushed as Kiran caught me watching his brother through the glass on the door.

"He alright?" His lips curved into a slight smile, "Sorry I burst in, I seem to have stepped in on you two having a-um… private moment."

"Nothing private about it." I dismissed it, trying to keep my voice even and unworried, but Kiran was grinning widely, as though he knew something I didn't. "C'mon, we'd better start eating, or-"

I stopped, losing my words as I saw Peeta standing at the top of the stairs through the frosted glass on the door. I took a step forward and watched him step down the stairs carefully. He had pulled on a blue t-shirt, freshly washed, by the looks of it, that had the symbol of an extremely old comic-book character on it. I smiled involuntarily as I looked up and caught his eye, he smiled back and half-stepped, half limped towards the kitchen.

He looked vulnerable, as though he hadn't slept in three weeks, but at the same time, the muscle he had worked on were well defined under the shirt and something inside me stirred and I felt like I wanted to be closer to him. It was the feeling I'd had earlier when I'd reached out to my hallucination under the Oak Tree behind the Bakery. A desperation for warmth and closeness.

"You're staying for dinner, Kiran." Peeta said it as more of a statement than a question. His hand shook as he reached out for the doorframe to hold him steady and I stared, totally surprised that he was so… nervous? Frightened? Vulnerable?

I'd never seen him like this - and we'd been touring the districts for the best part of three months.

"Yeah." He nodded and took a seat at the table without speaking, though he shot a worried look at his brother and I caught Peeta shaking his head, mouthing _later_, and smiling lightly as he looked over at me. "Smells really good."

"Thanks." He nodded and smiled as he pulled out a chair. I expected him to sit down in it but he gestured for me to take it.

"You sure?" I said without thinking, the filter between my brain and my mouth obviously having been switched off. "I mean-"

"Yes, Katniss. Sit down; your food's getting cold." Kiran was short with me and I stared at him, completely confused and quite offended. I looked at Peeta; he was staring into his roast potatoes and trying not to smile.

I sighed and started to eat, thoroughly stunned by the fact that Peeta had cooked this quality food, and quite amazed by the fact that even though he had laid out a knife, fork and spoon for each of us, used to the practise because of our time in the posher districts, it was only Kiran who had picked them up and started to use them. I frowned slightly, but as I picked up the last potato on my plate, I looked over at Peeta and caught him grinning down at his plate. I had the sudden urge to start grinning too.

**Peeta**

As soon as she stood in the kitchen and asked me if I was alright I knew I was going to have an episode. My leg had started to feel weak as soon as I'd heard the glass shatter and I'd sprinted to see if she was alright. I had knocked my knee on the table and I was sure that I could make myself walk properly, but… my leg was going to give way soon, and I knew it.

I sat down at the table, staring at the wood and willing the pain in my leg to either fade or at least dull down from the roar that was making my leg hurt to the pins-and-needles pain that I was finally getting used to.

When Katniss started talking, I just blindly answered, feeling the roaring pain amplifying and knowing the longer I stood in one position, trying to keep my body from keeling over sideways, the longer I would need to lie in bed tomorrow morning, trying to calm the inflammation down and relax my muscles.

_Capitol technology really __**wasn't **__all it was cracked up to be. _

I stepped past her - she looked horribly upset by my treatment of her, but she also seemed to understand - I think she thought that Kiran's presence was irritating me, and it was making me act rude, but it honestly wasn't her. The pain in my leg was there most of the time… well, I say most, I mean pretty much a continuous barrage of screaming agony that was contained in my upper thigh.

I stumbled up the stairs, feeling Katniss's eyes on me all the time, trying to put on a brave face so she wouldn't see me fall and hurt myself again, so she wouldn't feel obliged to help me walk around, _so she wouldn't treat me like a fucking invalid._

I walked through the house, straight to the master bedroom again, and dug in the wardrobe for a shirt, trying to find something that would be suitable and not completely overdoing it for dinner. Finally reaching the shelf with all the T-shirts laid out on it, I picked up a blue one which had the famous historical logo on it.

Superman was a comic-book hero, it was old and it was silly, but I felt right then that it was appropriate. Admittedly, I had only survived the Hunger Games, but surviving, living through it made me feel amazing, even though I had to credit it mostly to Katniss.

Right now, I felt I had to play at being Superman. Kiran knew that I had been having problems with my leg, all of my letters home had consisted of at least a page of complaint about muscle spasms, pins and needles, among other things, but it was only because I couldn't go to anyone else, because he was like my best friend along with my brother, and I had to be strong for everyone else.

He complained for a bit, but then, when I'd introduced him to Ella on the visit we'd taken to District Eight, he'd said he'd listen to everything I said, _'no matter how whiny'_. To be honest, I think she'd made quite an impression on him.

I found some deodorant in the bathroom, used it, feeling the spray tingle as it cooled on my skin. It was an old brand, but it had been going for nearly five hundred years and I liked the smell of it, so I shoved it back into the cupboard and tugged the t-shirt on, pulling a face as I felt my leg twinge. I smiled in the mirror as I pulled the door closed, and stepped down the hallway, taking my time and holding my breath, taking in as much air as I could and trying to mentally numb the pain. _Putting on my Superman Costume, _I thought wryly and started making my way down the stairs.

I limped furiously down the stairs, catching Katniss's eye as she saw my movement from the corner of her eye. She smiled at me and I let myself smile back, watching the blush creep up her face unnoticed with more than a little pleasure. She really was beautiful.

I tried not to limp as I hit the ground floor and strode as purposefully as I could toward the kitchen, though, as I made it the last two feet, I felt my leg start shaking violently as I reached for the doorframe to hold me up, and I looked down at my hands. For a second, I watched them as I felt them shaking violently and I knew my body was bloody betraying me.

I stepped smartly past Katniss as she watched me, concern etched on her face, and I swallowed as I stumbled onto the chair I'd planned on letting her sit on. I tugged it out, on the pretext of being chivalrous and letting her sit down, and she looked at me, confused.

"You sure? I mean-"

"Yes, Katniss. Sit down; your food's getting cold." Kiran cut her off. He'd been watching me since I'd come down the stairs and I was pretty sure my face had gone pink, so I was quite thankful for the distraction.

I ate furiously, trying to find a way to make my stomach ache so I could forget about the throbbing in my leg. It was furious and annoying, and I managed to make it stop by burning my fingers on the roast potatoes as I shoved them unceremoniously into my mouth.

I let myself look up at Katniss as I ate, burning the roof of my mouth with another piece of potato as I did so, and swearing furiously under my breath. She was staring at Kiran, her mouth agape, and I was a little confused, then I saw her glance at the cutlery in his hands and I realised - he was using them and we weren't. I supposed Ella had had more influence there too.

I grinned widely at the back of her head as she watched him eat, a look of disgust at his _Capitol-isation _slowly creeping onto her face, and I noted her turning with only a second to spare.

I knew I was totally insane about her, Kiran knew I was totally _insane_, but she didn't. I don't think she'd like to find out about it either, and I had a feeling she'd quickly grasp the concept if I sat there grinning at her like a lunatic.

I ducked my head and smiled down at my plate. This was going to be good.

… -x-x- …

_**A/N: I'll update, if you review? How's that for a compromise?**_

_**Love ya already!**_

_**Xxx**_

_**A/N:2 - to my anonymous reviewers:**_

_**Nairobi: **__I tried to get this as long as possible at short notice, and I hope you enjoyed seeing a moment from both of their POV's && I'm SO sorry it's taken so long, many a thing has been going on, and I've had very little time to get around to updating… real life's a pain in the arse sometimes… hope you're enjoying! Please let me know what you thought! xx_

_**Jazzy: **__I'll update ASAP! And I hope I haven't let you down!! Haha hope you're enjoying! Let me know!! xx_

_**Jamika:**__ OMGOSH I'm so sorry!! I'd never abandon a story I love so much!! As I've said, real life has gotten in the way a bit, but hey, I'm back now, so it's all good lolol!!! And you do the same as me - I check for emails in the morning and my family look at me as though I'm obsessed… which, of course, I'm… *not* lolol I'll update soon, and hope you enjoyed this one - let me know however you wanna express the love!! xx_

_**Egypt: **__I get what you mean about the song!! Lolol, the whole opposites thing, and I'm glad you're loving it!! I'll update ASAP - sorry about taking so long, but I've been vvvv busy and all that sorta thing!! Hope you enjoyed this one!? Let me know!!! (and I'm glad you like that I reply in my chapters - I'd never wanna leave anyone out!!) xx_

_**Angie: **__Well, I hope this gives you more insight into what Kiran meant by things she might not like, it reckoned it would be quite like Peeta to rely on someone to hear him out but not to broadcast his pain to everyone… and I wonder how she'd react to it!? It's not only that he's adopted, as you well know now… Hope you enjoyed - Please let me know!!! xx_

_**Aalaiya: **__Thanks for the love, hope you enjoyed the chapter - let me know!! xx_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though.**_

_**~ If you left an anonymous review - please check the authors note at the bottom of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there'll be a reply down there… **_

_**This is shorter, yes, but it leads up to the next chapter, which will be a nice long one…**_

_**Of course, I only ask for three things - Read on, Enjoy, and REVIEW!!! **_

_**-x-x-x-**_

_**-x-x-x- **_

**Peeta**

When Kiran had finally gone, I washed up in silence, leaving Katniss to look around the house without anybody daring to trouble her. She had looked moody after dinner, and that heavy, furious scowl had only deepened as I had disappeared down into the master bedroom and stood under the shower for half an hour, letting the hot water run cold as the pins and needles left my leg and travelled into my feet, seeping down into the bottom of the shower and running down the drain.

Then a burst of hot sent me reeling backwards, trying to avoid the spray as the water seared at my back.

"Fucking, shit-" I couldn't help the profanities, as I tried to scramble, avoid the water as it left scalds on my feet, on my hands, on my face as I dived forward to turn the cold up.

As my fingers locked around the stupid metal dial, the searing heat stopped, faded and was replaced by blood-curdling cold. I groaned and turned the thing off, actually feeling my blood start to defrost as I stepped from the shower and dried off with one of the giant, comfy fluffy towels, warmth from the friction seeping to my toes as I pulled on some pyjama bottoms and curled up on the bed.

I nearly got to sleep.

"So you're having this room then?" The light clicked on and any form of happiness I had felt ten seconds previous dissipated as the glow from the bulb shuddered through the room. _Bugger_.

"Sorry?" I grunted, my face buried in the pillow, comfortable, hair all over the place. The bed already felt like home.

"You're taking this room." She said, her voice low and a little furious. _Oh, little miss scowl's going to open up _now_, is she? Well, fine. _

"Yes, yes I am." I wasn't going to move. I was here now. My clothes were over there. There was a pile of books that I'd retrieved, hungry to read, earlier on, before anyone had turned up to make noise. I wasn't an annoying prick like this usually, but my leg was getting the better of me today. It had been alright for a few weeks after the Games had ended, but when there had been less sleep, when I'd started screaming in the middle of the night and reaching out for the bright blue eyes that haunted my nights.

"What happened to ladies first?"

_That doesn't count._

"Well, you can sleep in here." I smirked inwardly, "But I'm going nowhere." I reclined even further into the pillows and pretended to fall immediately asleep. She stood in the middle of the room for a long minute, staring at me, a scowl on her face. I grinned to myself as she turned on her heel and slammed her hand into the lightswitch, knocking it off angrily and sending me into a spiral of darkness. I was happy as soon as she slammed the door closed with an angry huff, and I heard something smack into the wall. I assumed it was her fist, but I ignored it, knowing I'd be alright in the morning.

_Hoping I'd be alright in the morning. _

_**Katniss**_

_He snubbed me. He insulted me, and he snubbed me. _

"I'm going nowhere." I wasn't sharing a bloody room with him. I huffed, because if I didn't do _something _I'd definitely punch him, strode away and slammed the light off with a sharp punch. I wasn't having him talking to me like that. I couldn't have him talking to me like that.

I slammed my fist into the wall as I strode to the other bedroom. It was just as big but it didn't have the same verve, the same view as the original master bedroom. _Fucking… arrogant, idiotic, esoteric, weird-ass… good-cook, half-polite, electric git. _

I wasn't having it.

I wanted that room.

Damn it.

Damn _him_.

"Peeta!" I hissed at the hallway as I heard the groaning and the banging. I had never believed in the supernatural, ghosts, poltergeists were all old legends with crumbling castles and haunted forts fading fast behind them, but this groaning, this uncomfortable, screaming, whining… this begging for a release from darkness, from _those eyes._

_Sword._

_Scream._

_Protect._

_**Peeta**__._

I shoved his door open so hard it banged against the wall, probably leaving a dent. He was caught up in his duvet and blanket, sheets crumpled around him. There was blood on his face, he had bitten his lip, he was groaning, shouting something but his hands were flung out in front of him, his back arched, reaching forward, begging, shouting, shoulders creaking.

"_Save me." _The words fell from his lips, "Katniss." He gasped and his hand flew to his leg, his lips parted and he looked as though he was caught in a silent scream.

He shook, body rigid as his breath faded and he collapsed back to the bed, shaking still.

His head shot up as I gasped aloud and his face coloured, brightened and I think my heart stopped halfway through our silent exchange.

"Peeta?!" I asked softly.

"Go away." His voice was furious, low, gravelly, annoyed.

"Peeta-"

"Get out, Katniss." He choked on the words, blushing, "Go."

I squeaked, furious, confused, hurt and broken at his words, before striding from his room, angry, face red, tears streaking down my face and whimpering as I slammed the door again, running down the hallway that seemed to stretch as I trod lightly along it.

I slammed my door, threw myself onto my bed and grabbed my pillow, hugging it to me in the darkness. Peeta wasn't like this.

This wasn't him.

This wasn't right.

_What's going on?_

… -x-x- …

_Do you hate being woken up?_

_**I'll update, if you review? How's that for a compromise?**_

_**Xxx**_

_**A/N:2 - to my anonymous reviewers:**_

_**Nairobi: **__I'm sooo sorry I've not been able to update this! It's annoying, but once again, reality has irritated its way into messing with my schedule… next update should be Thursday or Wednesday, but probably Thursday - but it's only cuz its gonna be epic-long…. hope you're enjoying! Please let me know what you thought! xx_

_**Myrrh: **__I'll update ASAP! And I'm really glad you love it so far!! xx_

_**Jamika:**__ OMGOSH I'm so sorry!! I would have updated earlier to help you ease back into school life lolol, but real life is a git sometimes, ya know? Sorry!! Next time, if I take too long, just (virtually) kick me, or something, it'll get me geared up lolol xx_

_**Emma: **__Yupyup, Peeta is indeed a superman lolol… I thought that would work, being stuck in there =] =] and ofc, Kiran's super dude lolol, I always thought his brothers would be really nice, idk, just thought they'd be wicked lolol… Aww! Thank you so much - obviously I'm not , but WOW! To get compared like that is just… wow! Lolol… *waves back* xx_

_**Egypt: **__I hope you enjoyed this! Fluff, maybe, I suppose, but there was a bit that had to be done before that, as you can see lolol…Hope you enjoyed - Please let me know!!! xx_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though.**_

_**~ If you left an anonymous review - please check the authors note at the bottom of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there'll be a reply down there… **_

_**Hope you enjoy this one… Got My AS-Exam results today… not too shabby, I must say : ) **_

_**Of course, I only ask for three things - Read on, Enjoy, and REVIEW!!! **_

_**-x-x-x-**_

_**-x-x-x- **_

**Peeta**

As the door closed, I sat up, sighing and letting my knees pull up against my chest, trying to calm my breathing down and analyse what had just exploded through my head. Blue eyes, crystal and icy, stared into my own in the darkness, and I was captivated once more by the woman, or man, or child… the creature I couldn't see, standing in front of me in all of my dreams.

Fidgeting furiously, I realised I wanted to get up, probably to go running - it usually calmed my leg down, and it usually calmed my head down too, it let me run the words the eyes had spoken out of my system, and broke through the pain barrier so I couldn't feel the burning in my body any longer.

I think my brain was going in a different direction, I got up to get my trainers, to find a pair of tracksuit trousers, or something of the sort, just so I could run a couple of miles to try and get the madness out of my head, but damnit, my legs carried me to my mirror and made me look at myself.

_Really look at myself. _I had bitten my lip so hard I had drawn blood, it was smeared across my cheek, spilled down my face and congealing already on my lips. I wanted to lick it away, but I didn't have the guts to taste blood again. I had done that enough in the arena.

I looked at my nose but ignored my eyes, too afraid to look into the bright blue I knew would be shining back at me in the dark. I skirted over them and made myself look up into my hairline. My hair was getting long, obscuring my eyes a little, and I knew there would only be a few days before I got annoyed with it and cut it myself. It was already in my way.

Taking a long breath and refusing to look for too long, I shifted my gaze to the mirror-me's eyes. They were bloodshot, definitely, as though I'd been crying for about three days, and the dark circles I had quickly become accustomed to were hovering below them, making me look as though I'd been in a fight. The colour of them hadn't drained, and I knew this was what was tormenting me in the night. Black-lined eyes, eyelashes that were too long, crystal, sheer, ice-blue eyes that refused to blink.

I knew, though, my eyes were nothing to do with those in my dreams. In my dreams, I knew I saw staring into the eyes of my father. Not Edward Mellark, though his gaze was strikingly similar to mine, but the man who had abandoned me in the middle of the night. I had never forgotten those eyes - they were the last vestiges of the life I could have had in District Six, and I don't think I wanted to let that go, because in a weird little way, I never felt I belonged in District Twelve - not that I was afraid of hard work, or poverty, no, because I thought that District Six was where the left-behinds were.

Twelve was about family, about friendship and strength in adversity, about bravery and never giving up - exactly the reason Katniss got the District Salute, and I didn't. I don't think many people knew I was adopted into the Mellark family, but… they knew I didn't fit in with the District Twelve crowd.

Rubbing my eyes and sighing, I sat back down on my bed and pulled on the track-shorts and training-shirt I had found in the wardrobe, then went across the hall to apologise to Katniss. In my sleep-dazed haze I had been an utter bastard to her, and I really probably should regret it.

I knocked on her door lightly and was met with defiant silence. I knew she was still awake - she couldn't sleep with a light on and I could see the sliver of a reading light in the darkness.

"Katniss?" I ventured the word and it came out in three syllables instead of two, the second half of her name catching in my throat to make it scratch and burn. I had always wished I could scream in my worst dreams, but now I was desperate for the ability. It would make it better, it would mean I could breathe easier every time I needed to apologise to someone in the next room for waking them at a quarter to four in the morning.

She didn't move to open the door, but the bed creaked lightly as she flicked the light off and pretended not to hear me. _She was pretending just to get away from me._

"God, Katniss." I huffed a little at the light green door, after I had knocked four times and got no more reply, "No need to ignore me, you know. I was just going to apologise for snapping at you. It was an accident, you know."

"Go away." She says through the door. "I'm trying to sleep."

She sounds so weak. So confused and so damn hurt that it takes all the strength I hate to pull away from the door and not to kick it down. The twinge in my leg tells me that's probably a bad idea anyway, and I look over at the clock hung up on the wall down the hallway. It projects the time onto the wall facing it, and I can see it reads 03.22 AM.

Three in the morning, our first night living together, and she already hates me.

_I'm going for a run. _

_**Katniss**_

"Katniss…" His voice is dulled heavily by the doorway and I feel a twinge of guilt at the way I'd treated him, though for a second, I supposed that I should only return the treatment I had received from him earlier on. I could be a bitch if I wanted to be, even if it was to Peeta.

"Go away." I repeated, an edge of despair creeping into my voice. If he stood at the door any longer, I would crack and my door would get flung open, I'd wrap my arms around him and want to hug him all night.

_Men. Can't live with them, can't kill them all. _

"I'm going to go running." He said through the wood panelling, and I felt my shoulders drop. Our first night living together and we couldn't stay in the same house throughout it? He must already hate me. "I'll take my keys but I'll probably be back in about… half an hour?"

"And?" I wasn't going to make him breakfast or anything.

"I wondered if you'd be awake still. I… I want to talk to you properly-"

"I don't need to know anything, Peeta." I said back through the door, getting up and stepping lightly over the thick carpet, trying not to make any noise, trying not to let him know I was stepping closer to the door and pressing my hand against it lightly, as though I could feel his body heat through the painted wood.

"I want you to know-"

"I might not care-"

"Then why're you standing on the other side of the door, Katniss?" I went to speak, making an awkward little sound, but he made a noise to cut me off. "Don't try to deny it, Katniss, I can see your silhouette."

He must have been bluffing. It was a lucky guess.

"I-I'm not!" My voice wavered a little too much though, and I knew he was smiling on the other side of the door. I could hear it in the tone of his voice as he replied.

"Alright, but… if you want to hear what I have to say," He took in a sharp breath and let it out quickly, as though he was trying to combat a sudden pain. He was fine, though, I was sure. "Well, I'll be in the kitchen in forty-five minutes. I won't be able to sleep any more." He coughed lightly and I heard his footfalls down the hallway, flicking up and down for a long minute, thumping down the stairs and the heavy front door closed furiously.

I remained, frozen in place for a long minute, staring into the wood panelling and trying to process everything that had just passed between us. My lips formed a silent acknowledgement of his words, and I found myself searching for a dressing gown to pull on over my pyjamas. It wasn't a warm night, like most of the nights in District Twelve, the air was heavy, I felt as though I needed a bit of time to clear a headache that didn't exist, and I was shattered, but I wanted to hear what he had to say…

Didn't I?

_**Peeta**_

I started pounding down the street separating all of the Winner's Circle houses and turned the corner into a huge downpour of rain. It was torrential, but it only seemed to last a few hundred metres, and I wondered vaguely whether the Capitol was testing new weather technology in the area, trying to use a fairly unpopulated area to test - and what better an unpopulated area than District Twelve's Winner's circle?

I skittered across the wet patches of the tarmac and tried to avoid the slippery patches of water that were forming. It was cold. It was raining. I was cold and wet.

Fuck running. I was turning back. I was running away from every difficulty I had ever faced, because that's what I always did when it came to these things. Running away meant problems didn't exist. If I ran, I banished the things that hurt and I brought the power I had over events to the surface.

If I didn't talk to Katniss, if I didn't take matters into my own hands, then I was just running away from the best thing in my life.

_There was no point in running from the good things._

I turned in the street and put on a spurt of speed, trying to get out of the rain. My feet slipped on the wetness, and I stumbled, feeling myself falling before I could do anything about it. My trainers couldn't have been adequately grippy, not designed for the rain, and God, it hurt when I hit the ground.

I laid there for a long minute, waiting for the pain in my knee to stop, and wondering if my hands were bleeding as well. I could still feel the searing pain in my knee five minutes later, and I wondered if I had ripped my skin open and wondered if I was bleeding out into the road.

I sat up slowly a couple of minutes later and groaned, my knee burning as I looked down on it. There were streaks of blood mixed with tarmac gravel all over my shin, a large patch of my skin scratched up and torn, almost ripped up from the friction of the fall. I whimpered as I touched it, fresh blood pooling on my fingers as I pulled my hand away and looked at it. I sort of wanted to taste it, to see if my blood tasted more metallic - this was my metal leg, after all. I bit back the urge, wiped my hand on my arm and forced myself to look at the scratches on my hand. There was very little blood in the creases of my hands, but I knew the skin would be bruised by tomorrow.

Groaning, I got up, almost forcing myself to my feet, gritting my teeth against the pain. Damn, it hurt. I whimpered lightly, knowing that there was nobody around to help me. I groaned again as I put my weight on my leg, it hurt at the knee as the skin and muscle compressed, and I took the track home at some speed, trying to get back into the house as soon as I could - it would get me out of the rain and into the warmth, I could dry off and maybe be able to ask Katniss to help me with cleaning up the wound and patching it up. I sighed and started to trudge back to the house, trying to move as fast as possible but finding it harder than I thought it would be.

I was usually good with pain, but this was annoying me.

I knocked twice on our front door, hoping Katniss had decided to leave her room and come and see me, come and listen to everything I had to say.

After a long minute, her small dark silhouette appeared in the darkness behind the glass-screen kitchen door. I smiled to myself as the light clicked on and her voice rang out in the darkness.

"Is that you, Peeta?"

"No, it's Superman." I grinned and she turned the key, opening the door and taking me in with a sweeping glance. Starting at the top of my head, she took in the blonde hair, dark now, plastered to my forehead because of the horrible mixture of sweat and rain, then the pale blue T-shirt that was stuck to my skin and going a little transparent. She let out the breath she had been holding as she glanced up, looked into my eyes for a second and let herself smile lightly, then she continued to let her gaze flicker down my full form.

She took in my shorts, then, her eyes widened as they saw the bright red blood flowing down to pool at my ankle. I groaned as I took another step into the warmth of the kitchen and almost threw myself at the kitchen table and sat down, grunting in pain.

"Oh, Peeta!" She gushed lightly, "Peeta, what did you-"

"I stacked." I said, not really in the mood to say much more. "Capitol must have been testing out the rain machines for the next games-" I groaned again as she crouched down and touched my shin lightly, "The road was slick and I just went-"

"I'll go and get something from the… from the bathroom. Antiseptic or something-"

"If there are any painkillers in there, can I have them?" I shouted after her as she almost sprinted from the room. I could tell she didn't want to be in the same room as me. I felt awful. I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to be a burden.

She forced the pills into my hand quickly and handed me a large glass of water, watching me carefully as I drank it, my eyes widening as I choked lightly on the drink as Katniss blinked twice. She looked tired, her usually plaited hair was furiously wild, blown all over the place by her attempts at sleep. She looked content though, as though she was happy to be here, her fingers locked together primly in front of her - as though I was a doctor, or a patient, and we weren't friends. We were… formal. I didn't like it.

"I found some antiseptic too." She held up a blue flannel, some plasters and a small blue bottle. "I can clean it-"

"Would you?" I jumped at her words and she looked at me as though I was insane, almost asking me if it was alright to touch my skin.

"Yeah." She nodded and dug in a cupboard for a bowl, pulling it out and filling it with warm water, then using the flannel to wipe off all the grit and dust that had gathered along the way.

She was kneeling at my feet as she cleaned out the scrape, and she jolted lightly as her hand touched my knee, I managed to stop from jumping at the electricity that surged between us as we connected even as lightly as the touch of our skin.

"I-" I started to explain, but I realised that our position was no way of explaining anything. She was kneeling in front of me, like she was afraid, doing me a favour, trying to help me. I didn't want to be embarrassing her, or hurting her at all with my words.

"Hm?" She looked up from my leg, half looking at me for a split second.

"Thank you, Katniss." She smiled lightly and squeezed my knee as she stood up. I jolted at the gentleness, and the shock and electricity that remained. I wanted to whimper, it was so strange, but I wouldn't let myself. I was stronger than that.

"All done." She chimed, almost in a sing-song melody, and I couldn't help the grin that surfaced on my lips, smiling at her widely.

"Thank you, Katniss." I felt like I was stuck on repeat, my lips sounding words out over and over as though I was an actor in one of those old and brittle movies, the ones they replayed almost constantly, but in the middle of the night when nobody was around to watch them on the television.

"It's alright." She nodded and sat down at the table. "I made coffee." She jerked her thumb at the pot in the corner, and I looked at it, trying to ignore the aching that was now surfacing in my leg, a throbbing I only used to associate with the limp I had.

I wanted to shout as I got up and groaned, the pain suddenly shooting through my muscle as I reached up into the cupboard-above-the-kitchen-sink and found a largish mug I could drink from. I grinned and filled it up, practically pouring a ton of sugar into the middle of it, before topping the mug up with milk and sitting back down.

"Well?" She said after a long minute of silence. I smiled and shrugged lightly.

"Well what?"

"What were you going to tell me?" She quirked her head and looked at me for a long minute.

_**Katniss**_

He simply stared at me, then spoke, a wry smile crossing his face.

"Thought you didn't care." He said lightly, blowing lightly on the rim of his mug, trying to cool his coffee down as quickly as possible.

"Well… maybe I do." I retorted as fast as I could. He mouthed my words back at me, grinning to himself, and I laughed with him. He sighed as he sipped his coffee again and looked away.

"I have no idea how to tell you this."

"What?" He looked at me and his shoulder shifted a little, dropping so he could sigh without making a sound.

"I've only told Kiran, and… well, he's a prick about these things, and I don't want any sympathy, because I don't do that sort of thing-"

"Peeta-"

"And Katniss, you're the sort of person who'll try and ocmfort me and I don't-"

"Peeta!" He stopped babbling and looked at me. "Will you please, please _for god's sake get on with it!_"

"I-uh… sorry." He ducked his head and played with his shirt for a few seconds. "I'm really sorry."

"For what?" I was thoroughly confused now, he was being coy, and… destroyed, his eyes were brightening, as though lightning was gathering behind them, as though he wanted to cry but couldn't.

"For everything I'm about to say."

"Just say it." I said, "It'll be easier."

"Alright." He nodded at me and blinked twice, looking down into his coffee, "Well, see, it all started about a week after the games. It was getting hectic, and we weren't having proper sleeping patterns, were we?" I shook my head, and he nodded lightly, "Well, Haymitch was making it worse. He kept throwing up, and grunting, and making me play poker and… bloody hell, I never slept. My leg," He indicated the band of metal that was visible beneath his skin, "My bloody leg decided it was going to create merry hell. It refused to let me walk without a pounding pain, and if I stand on it for too long, I feel like the blood's going to… just… it's indescribable."

"Why-"

"Listen to me." He was suddenly firm. "Please." I nodded and looked away slightly, "Alright, I don't know how to explain it, really… it's like my body's rejecting the technology, and it… it just isn't working right." I nodded, "It's no good."

I waited for him to carry on, but he seemed lost in that thought. I wondered if there was more that he wasn't telling me, and still wondered if mum would be able to help the pain. She still worked as an apothecary, she would be able to help him where all the money in the world wouldn't.

"What else?" I looked down, unsure if I was allowed to encroach on what I'd seen in his room earlier this evening.

"What?"

"You were having a nightmare-"

"I…" He sighed and looked down at the dregs of the coffee that he had already drunk. I wondered how he'd consumed it so quickly - I had barely touched mine, and I had practically run downstairs after he had left, so curious about his issues…

Or did I care?

Did I want to help him?

I didn't want him hurting…

"The Games, Katniss… how have they affected you, do you think?" I shrugged and he frowned. "Do you not think of them? Do you not find that the kills you made stuck in your head all the time? That the kills you made… they crashed through your brain to-t-to-" he stopped talking, stuttering furiously.

"To what?"

"They give me nightmares." He admitted hollowly, and I wanted to run around the table and wrap my arms around him. I felt so bad - but he didn't want sympathy… "They haunt my dreams, I can't get away from them and they won't bloody stop coming. It's continuous, Katniss, and I don't know if it… if it's ever going to stop-"

He sighed again.

"Well, why is it? Do you think you know, or-"

"I think I know why, but I'm not sure if it'll help me." He shook lightly, and I watched as he swallowed nervously, trying not to take in the picture of his muscles changing lightly, flicking up his throat along with his pulse.

"What are you so afraid of?"

"They won't go away, Katniss… and…" He looked at me and swallowed again, his face going pink with embarrassment. "Oh, for god's sake," He sighed, "Go ask Haymitch, _**sweetheart.**_"

He was up like a shot, his face bright red, and his eyes shining.

_Go ask Haymitch, sweetheart. _

Don't worry, Peeta. I will.

… -x-x- …

_When you last hurt yourself… how bad was it?_

_**I'll update, if you review? How's that for a compromise?**_

_**Xxx**_

_**A/N:2 - to my anonymous reviewers:**_

_**Nairobi: **__His leg - perhaps he wants someone else to take the pain away (evil laugh hahaha) I think she left when he told her to because she was in shock, and she was a little stunned he could be so rude - Haymitch is coming, definitely… as you can probably tell - and you'll get to see a little of Haymitch's hunger games too - I wondered why he was an Alcoholic, and I've got a great idea… haha, as well as that, I wanna slap Gale. He's an idiot - I checked out the first chapter and to be honest, I wasn't impressed at all =/ stupid Gale, stupid Peeta… Hmmph! Ah! You want to email me about the story?! I'm available at __**lostmidtranslation(at)tiscali(dot)co(dot)uk**__…. hope you're enjoying! Please let me know what you thought! xx_

_**Jamika:**__ Haha, hope you made it to tonight! Sorry it's a little later - I got my AS Exam results today, and was out til late, so I 've only just had the chance to finish and fix this up! Hate that school's being horrific for you - but I hope this brightens your day : ) lolol xx_

_**Emma: **__Yupyup, you can totally pester me as long as you want (you can email me at __**lostmidtranslation(at)tiscali(dot)co(dot)uk)- **__but I'm not giving this away just yet haha… glad you loved the shower episode - my shower did that to me, and I felt mentioning it would be necessary - I don't really know why… hmm *I'm insane, for definite* hope you loved this chapter, and I know you're waiting for fluff, but my brain has gone overboard with FredxKatie fluffiness for HP stories recently, so I'm running low on fluff for the moment. I'd give it two or three chapters and then the REAL fluff will kick in, but it won't make sense just yet : ) lolol glad you're loving the originality!!!! -updatees will be soon!!!- xx_

_**C.S: **__Thank you! So glad you were on edge last chapter!! Let me know your thoughts on this one, please! I really hope this creates a new angle for it, and trust me, Gale/Madge? Way better than Gale/Katniss - there's fire in Madge : ) Hope you're enjoying, and let me know haha xx_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though.**

**~ If you left an anonymous review - please check the authors note at the bottom of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there'll be a reply down there… **

**Hope you enjoy this one… : ) **

**Of course, I only ask for three things - Read on, Enjoy, and REVIEW!!! **

_**-x-x-x-**_

"_They won't go away, Katniss… and…" He looked at me and swallowed again, his face going pink with embarrassment. "Oh, for god's sake," He sighed, "Go ask Haymitch, __**sweetheart.**__"_

_He was up like a shot, his face bright red, and his eyes shining. _

_**Go ask Haymitch, sweetheart. **_

_Don't worry, Peeta. I will._

_**-x-x-x- **_

_**Katniss**_

That's how I ended up here, sitting in Haymitch's living room, holding a bottle of water and afraid to breathe in, through either my nose or my mouth. It reeks of alcohol in here, lines and lines of bottles stacked up on every window ledge, every available flat surface had either a stain on it that looked suspiciously like dark rum, or was barely visible underneath a pile of glasses, be they broken or half-full of… God knows what.

I swallowed and took a breath as Haymitch stepped through the room, navigating the bottles and grinned widely at me.

"Alright, sweetheart? To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I-Peeta and I were talking, about…" I looked at Haymitch and saw the colour draining from his face. "We were talking about how we're coping with what's happened, and the aftermath of the Games… with everything that's gone on-"

"You don't understand-" Haymitch started, cutting me off, and then making himself look foolish by silencing himself almost a quickly. I raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged, I frowned and he smiled back. Our exchange went on for a few more minutes, no words spoken, until he bored of it, rose and found another bottle, searching for it underneath the table. I gagged involuntarily as he pulled it out of the mess - it had some kind of mould growing in the bottle, but he just looked at it, shrugged and poured himself a glass out. "Well," He grinned at my horrified face, "It's not killed me yet."

I swallowed and looked away, trying not to think of the different things that stuff could be.

"What don't I understand, Haymitch?" I had sat in silence, watching him drink for about half an hour. I assumed it would make him talk, make him easier to pry the information from, but he simply looked at me and frowned.

"Lots of things, Miss Everdeen." He said softly, biting his bottom lip, staring into the bottom of the bottle for a long minute.

"But… what about Peeta?" I pressed lightly, and in response, he simply raised his bottle and pulled a face.

"Good lad. Very responsive."

"Sorry?" That was not a good thing, I don't think.

"He's very affected by things." He said quickly, "The Games more than most." I watched him drink another long drink and fix me with a bleary-eyed gaze. "You know, Peeta's very much… he's not a good actor, Katniss."

So cryptic. So strange and so cryptic. I nodded at him and motioned for him to continue, wondering if he had actually meant something by the gesture with the bottle.

I wondered if using a little bit of a girly-whine would get him listening to me. I frowned slightly and he looked at me, concerned.

"He doesn't look very good at the moment, Haymitch… I'm just really worried about him." He nodded and shrugged. "I don't know what to do."

"Well, speaking from experience, it might be better to talk to him about this-"

"Why?" I leaned forward, trying to get him listening to me. "I mean-"

"Listen, it's his words to say, sweetheart - you don't know what's going in that pretty little head of his, Katniss, and-"

"I want to help him!" I heard the words leaping out of my mouth and yelped as I realised he was looking at me strangely. "Please, Haymitch." I dropped my voice. "I just want to help him."

He looked at me for a long time, and I wondered if he'd realised I'd been manipulating him. My heart jumped into my throat and I swallowed nervously, trying not to think of what might be going through his head.

"Katniss, do you know… what happened when _I _was chosen as a tribute?" Haymitch ran a chubby fingered hand through what remained of his hair. "Do you know what happened to me?"

I thought about it. Did I really know what happened? I mean, obviously, he had to kill twenty-three other people and survive to become the mess he had become today, but I never really _knew _what had happened in the arena to turn him into the alcohol-infused-Haymitch-mess that was sat before me.

I shook my head mutely, feeling stupid and uncomfortable. Peeta had spent a long time working with Haymitch, being quizzed alone, learning all his different tactics for the interview session, helping him out with his camouflaging and combat skills. I should have realised that Haymitch would have been a very influential figure for Peeta. Maybe knowing what had happened in the past would help me now.

"I was very much like Peeta, you know, sweetheart." I blinked twice, hating the nickname and trying not to get angry. "A bit naïve, didn't really think I would survive, especially because the girl I had been dragged out of District with was about four times my size, built like a Career and twice as arrogant." I nodded, "Peeta didn't think he'd have a chance. If you saw the way he reacted when his name was said…" I looked Haymitch in the eye, he looked sickly, all of a sudden, his usually rosy face gaining a sickly pallor as I watched. "Well, of course you didn't. Nobody did. Apart from me, and to be honest, I didn't think I wanted to see it."

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"He looked as though he'd already lost." And Haymitch said nothing more than that for a long minute. "But that's beside the point. I…" He looked me over again, "When we got to the Capitol, there was a girl there, she must have been three months younger than me, not even that. She was a District Eight girl." He didn't look at me, "A District Eight Tribute."

"And? That wasn't a-oh." The look on his face exploded into my mind as one I'd seen about ten hours before. This was the look that Peeta wore every time he looked at me. Somewhere between sadness and happiness, as though he had seen something in the window of a Capitol shop, he desperately wanted it, but couldn't afford to even touch it.

"There was a longer gap between the Reaping and the Arena back then, there were three, four months instead of just a few days. They let the Tributes get to know each other - personally, I thought it was ridiculous at the time, I didn't want to know the others, I'd be killing them and it would make it harder to do it if I got closer to them." He sighed and I kept my eyes on him, wondering where he was going with this story, and the girl from District Eight.

He rolled one shoulder slightly, picked up another bottle and swigged from it, looking almost comical as he pulled it away from his lips, realising the bottle was empty.

"But, they made us interact, and I met her. The D-Eight girl. She was beautiful. Funny, smart, and totally unconscious of the fact. She was nice, she was fantastic…" He swallowed again, "And I thought I loved her."

"How can you think… how can you not know?" I frowned slightly. I knew I loved my mother, my sister… "You know you love someone, don't you?" I raised an eyebrow and Haymitch looked at me incredulously.

"You don't always know." Haymitch looked at me, "For instance, you don't know you love him, just yet. You think you might, but you won't let yourself buy into the idea, just yet."

"Who?"

"Yup, totally blinded." Haymitch smirked and started stacking bottles up without another word. "Anywho. I thought I loved her, because she was everything I could want, smart, funny-" He was repeating himself and he knew it. "And I wanted her to survive over everything else, because she was smaller than the rest of us, and she was just…" He sighed and smiled brightly, looking off into the distance. "I wanted her to win, and I had resigned myself to the fact that for that to happen, I had to die."

He looked down at the carpet and let himself smile again.

"And you know what? I didn't try, for the first nine days, eighteen people died, and pretty soon, there were only three of us, a District Two Career, her, and me." I nodded and he looked like he wasn't going to carry on, but I had to know what happened. "She killed him. She killed him by breaking his neck in the middle of the night."

He shut his eyes and when he opened them, he refused to look at me.

"The Capitol weren't as nice as they are now. She pretended to be my friend, to… well, I suppose, she encouraged me somewhat, let me think I really was in love with her. I fell asleep under a tree." I nodded and he dropped his voice. "I woke up in the middle of the night. She was pressing a sword into my throat and all I remember is thinking I didn't want to die." Everyone knew how it ended.

We had all seen, in lessons, in the weeks before the Reaping, the best kills in the Hunger Games. Haymitch's last kill was his only kill in the Games, and it was the kill that we always saw first. She had a sword pressed at his throat, and nobody could work out how she had the strength to hold it up. He had just woken up, as a brunette, shaggy haired seventeen year old, and looked terrified. His hands were scrabbling around in the dirt, and he gasped as he caught his hand on the blade of a knife that looked surreally like the ones that Clove had become so adept at throwing.

He lifted the knife and flicked it toward her, she collapsed into the brush and he rose up, stunned, before taking three steps forward and yanking the knife from about six centimetres above her heart. I swallowed.

_He loved her? He loved her, and he __**killed **__her?_

"Y-you-" I breathed out and he looked at me, frowning slightly, "Really loved her?"

"I still don't know." He said softly, looking at the bottle, "But I know that when I saw her face, twisted in pain as she died… I wanted to die." I heard a groan and supposed that he had revealed so much, but from the expression on his face, I realised it had emanated from my mouth.

"Peeta." I breathed his name and looked up into Haymitch's eyes. He squinted back at me and pulled a face. I swallowed and looked back at him for as long as I could.

"He had the same look in his eyes the first day he came to talk to me." I looked at him, "His words were, and I quote, '_I don't want to kill her_' and I finally worked out why when he asked about working on interviews alone. He didn't mean to, but he said… he asked whether your stylist would use your beauty. I said I didn't think so, because Glimmer would have had that down pat. There was no chance for you to use it." I looked at Haymitch, and his face broke into a grin. "He looked like I'd brought him a Christmas present early, said it was good that you'd be normal. At least that way, he could die knowing that he might have had a chance at your heart, instead of knowing every guy in every district could be willing you to win."

I looked at Haymitch, not exactly able to process the words he'd just said.

"Katniss?" I realised he was waving his hand in front of my face about thirty seconds after I'd zoned out. "Were you listening?"

"No." I said honestly, "Sorry, what?"

"I said, but that wasn't what Peeta was most interested in."

"Huh?" I was feeling a little dumbstruck.

"He was wondering how you coped with killing someone." I must have frowned because Haymitch was smiling lightly, "It was after the Games were over, and he'd killed the little girl, the one that the Careers had started on. He said he kept dreaming of her, her begging, even though when they sent him back, he only had to hold her coat over her face… he thought it was too harsh. He smothered her, you know."

_I didn't. I'd never asked. _

"I-he never said anything about it-"

"It's a very intimate thing, you know." He said softly, but with an air of someone explaining rain to a little child, "Nothing like shooting an Arrow or throwing knives into someone's chest. Its nothing like stabbing someone, either. You don't feel their last breath on your hand, and you don't close their eyes just before you walk away." I stared at the glassiness of Haymitch's eyes and wondered if he was alright. "There's a lot you don't understand about Peeta. He's very, very haunted by the things he did to survive in the Arena, and I think he-"

"He looks alright-" I started to argue, only half-willing to believe the things he was saying.

"Well, he's not." Haymitch said simply. "He's been having screaming nightmares for the past month, shouting about blue eyes and refusing to look into the mirror." He sighed, "I turned to alcohol to try and forget what I did. I lost the only girl I have ever really cared about, Katniss, and I don't know what you did to him on the train, sweetheart, but he's looking at those bottles over there longer and longer every time he comes to see me."

"What'm I supposed to do though-" I started, and he shrugged.

"How in the hell am I supposed to know? I just want him to be happy! I don't-" He stopped abruptly and looked out of his window. "Looks like you've got visitors, sweetheart." He nodded across the street to the… the mansion, I supposed, that we lived in.

I jumped to my feet and looked across to our door, half-squeaking as I realised it was Gale and Madge standing in the doorway. I looked back at Haymitch and made an apologetic face.

"Sorr-"

"Just make him feel like he's involved in this, would you? He's scared you're… he doesn't want to-" He sighed and shrugged. "Done what I can. Close the door on your way out, would you?" I nodded and rose to leave, confused, hurt, and a little bit worried.

-xx-

I ran across the road to hug the pair of them - I hadn't seen them properly since the Reaping, and I honestly assumed that they would be more pleased to see me than they were to see each other. Madge had her arms around him.

I stopped and tried to get a better view of them from the end of our driveway. He was leaning down, his forehead pressed against hers as he spoke, in low tones. She grinned at his words and his face lit up, brightening considerably as she reached for his hand and locked her fingers with his. He smiled at her again and the pair of them jolted as our front door opened and Peeta appeared, his hair a mess, plastered to his forehead and a new green button-up shirt half buttoned up his chest.

Madge handed him a bag, I assumed it was

I fought back a gasp as he ran a hand through his hair and it went all over the place, half spiked up, half still sticking to his skin. He must have been in the shower, because as he wiped his hand on his jeans, a water-stain appeared in the colouring. I grinned to myself and started to stride up the path.

"So, is Katniss around?" Gale asked, and Peeta grinned at him, pointing down the stoneway, straight at me.

I thought about what Haymitch said, as I lifted my eyes to look at Peeta. He caught my expression and frowned slightly, looking at me with concern. I looked at the brightness in the blue of his eyes, cleared by the day, made stronger by the colour of his shirt. He swallowed, and I watched the movement of his muscles as he smiled at me, blinked twice, then, as he reached for Madge's hand to lead her into the house as Gale stepped toward me, he winked lightly at her, laughing and I felt a rush of jealousy surge through me as she disappeared into the kitchen with him.

He didn't seem troubled. He looked perfectly fine to me, flirting with her, laughing with her.

"Catnip?" I blinked and refocused on Gale. He was standing in front of me, looking thoroughly concerned and a little bit… well, I wasn't sure, but as I stood there, a little longer, and didn't respond, he snapped his fingers in front of my face and touched my cheek, tried to get me to respond.

"Sorry, what?" I glanced at him and he looked at me, still frowning.

"Are you alright?" he grinned, "I haven't seen you in ages, and, well, there's so much to tell, you! Me and Madge… we had this huge argument the week after you left, and… we… we ended up going out on a date, and Catnip… I can't believe you… you won the Games, Katniss, even I couldn't do that-"

"You could." I nodded, and looked back at the house. "Well, I'm not… I suppose, anyway."

He wrapped his arms around me, and it didn't feel right. I felt a little sick as he touched me shoulder as he pulled away. He wasn't the same Gale I knew - he had clearly gotten lazy in his hunting, his arm muscles weren't as big as they were a month ago.

I looked at him and I felt… as though I didn't know him. He ended up going on a date with _Madge _of all people. Margaret Undersee and Gale Hawthorne. They fitted, I guess, but… after years of arguments and '_I hate you_'s, and open dislike for each other-

"Well, was it true?"

"True?" I stared at him, confused.

"Do you love him back, Katniss?" I blinked twice and shook my head to try and process his words. Gale took it the wrong way, "Oh, God, I've gotta go apologise to the guy-"

"Sorry? Gale, what're you talking about?"

"Peeta." He said simply, and for about the billionth time today, I was confused.

"What about him?"

Gale just looked at me for a long minute, then shook his head like the conversation was a lost cause and took my arm, leading me back into the house.

"And then, he just kissed me in the middle of this shouting match about whether you genuinely loved her! It was ridiculous!" Madge's giggles wrenched at my heart, because the sound was harmonised with Peeta's loud laugh, and I wanted to have caused his happiness, not her. Not the girl that had taken my Gale and changed him as well. Not that I was jealous or anything.

I looked over at Gale. He was still leaning on the doorframe, trying to take off his boots so he didn't muddy-up the rugs in the hallway. He shrugged and rolled his eyes as he tried once again to pull them off, and failed spectacularly, grunting loudly and swearing.

"Leave them on!" Peeta yelled out from the kitchen, "The Capitol can pay the washing bills." He was laughing as he appeared in the doorway, "We can hear you from in here."

I sucked in a breath and looked at the floor, then sighed and looked back up at him, he was grinning and still adjusting his shirt, feeling a little uncomfortable for a long minute, because I just couldn't take my eyes off him. He looked incredible in this light, and I couldn't help staring at him, the way his now-dry hair flicked around as he moved, the way the muscles in his hand tightened as he pulled lightly on the cuff of his sleeve. He swallowed a yawn and looked over at me.

"I've started dinner, Katniss." He said softly, "You coming in? There's Coffee and Tea too."

He smiled at me, and I wondered if I'd ever seen that look before. The way his lips curved up and his eyes crinkled lightly, the storminess of the blue in them clearing into ice-blue clarity, and I wondered genuinely how badly he was haunted.

I swallowed and stepped towards him, holding out my hand to him. He blinked twice and then took it, and I revelled in the electricity that slipped between us as our skin touched. Gale made a strange noise from the back of his throat and I grinned to myself.

I followed Peeta into the kitchen and held his hand as we sat down at the table. I considered it as I looked at him, holding my hand tightly as we sat, talking to the couple in front of us. I wanted to be here, I knew that, and I wanted to help him with everything that was going on in his head.

_Perhaps… perhaps I could love him after all. _

… -x-x- …

_Who do you think you love? Why? _

_**I'll update, if you review? How's that for a compromise?**_

_**Xxx**_

_**A/N:2 - to my anonymous reviewers:**_

_**Nairobi: **__Glad you're loving it, and yeah, thank you for your email!! Can't wait for the next one : ) ooh, is your hair nice?! Hope you're enjoying, and that this explains a lot?! Please let me know what you thought! xx_

_**C.S.: **__I'm loving that you love Peeta's nervousness - I don't think I'd ever be able to tell the person I loved that I was having nightmares and couldn't look myself in the mirror, and yes, I think I'm a little bit terrified of Madge and Haymitch as well - he scares me when he's sober. He's full of interesting and fantastic ideas : ) Hope you're enjoying this!!! Please do let me know! Xxx_

_**Jamika: **__Hihihi!! Sorry it's been 4 days - next update won't be until next Monday, sorry, I've got to work on it, and I'm going away for a couple of days… Hopefully now you know what's going on with Peeta, and it makes at least a little more sense, if not completely sensible : ) Hope you're enjoying this!!! Xx_


	8. Chapter 8: PART A

_**Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though.**_

_**~ If you left an anonymous review - please check the authors note at the bottom of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there'll be a reply down there… **_

_**Hope you enjoy this one… : ) It's dedicated to Avi, because she's loooovely : ) xx**_

_**Of course, I only ask for three things - Read on, Enjoy, and REVIEW!!! **_

_**-x-x-x- **_

_**IMPORTANT NOTICE**_

_**Hello. I'm so very sorry. I've not been very well, and I've been in Brugges. Thursday and Friday were spent in Belgium, Saturday, Sunday and yesterday were spent in bed and vomiting infrequently. As such, I've not been able to properly reply to reviews, I've not been able to type everything up and this update is only half the length it's supposed to be because I'm not doing too good staring at the computer screen. **_

_**I'll finish it off tomorrow and you can have the rest of it… I promise, it's the fun one!!!**_

_**-x-x-x- **_

_**Peeta**_

I looked at her, as she clung to my hand, half staring at her plate, but keeping a suspicious eye upon Gale and Madge all the way through our meal. I wasn't sure what the problem was, whether she was jealous because Madge was all over Gale and she couldn't have him any more, or whether she just wasn't into public displays of affection at all.

We'd never really looked at it like that, we were about to die in the arena, so we didn't have a choice. PDA's became part of our daily life because they had to be. What else could we do?

Reflexively, I lifted our hands and pressed my lips to the back of her knuckles, like I always did when we were supposed to be in love for the cameras. It had become so natural now it just felt… I don't know, just simply us. It didn't mean much any more though. It had become a reflex, something Katniss had had to do to survive, and I wasn't sure whether I should take it as a good thing, or something so pathetically average that it meant less than a high-five.

Madge looked at me for a long minute, extricating herself from Gale's arms and frowning almost furiously, as if asking me "_is that all you've got?"_ without having to make a single sound. I frowned back at her and Gale smirked brightly beside her. I almost asked him what the hell his problem was, but I found Katniss' hand tightening around mine and bringing it lightly into her lap as I tried, and failed, to cut my steak in half with one hand.

"Well," I found my voice as I released her hand and found that the silence had become far too pressing for me to continue without breaking it. I had two brothers at home, both of which had girlfriends, all four of which enjoyed engaging in shouting matches, usually between the living room and the second floor of the house, leaving my dad and my… well, that witch I called my mother to shout and scream at each other in the kitchens of the Bakery, Meika Mellark because my father wasn't doing anything about the shouting and screaming, Edward Mellark because my _mother _wasn't doing anything either, and _we were just kids, so give us a break and we'll understand each other in the end_.

I sighed when I realised I genuinely had nothing to say. These people weren't my friends. Gale was tall, dark, handsome and like a brother… or perhaps more than a brother to Katniss. Madge was her friend, she was nice to her and partnered her in all the classes we needed to work in groups with. I really wasn't a part of that. I was simply boring Peeta, with big blue eyes and dopey dress sense… I just liked t-shirts and jeans, everyone else in school seemed to dress as though they were being constantly judged. Personally, I didn't see it.

Desperate to get out of this mess, I rose from my seat and stepped away from the table.

"If you'll excuse me, I don't feel too good-"

"Oh, Peeta," Madge gushed, and before I could think of anything else to say, "We'll go if you don't-"

"No, no, you've not seen Katniss in an age and I wouldn't want to seem rude or anything-"

Without another word, I crossed the room and left, practically sprinting up the stairs and disappearing into my room, shutting the door as quietly as possible. I threw myself down at the dresser desk in the corner, trying not to focus on the mirror glinting in front of me and sticking my head in my hands so I didn't have to focus on anything to do with myself. I couldn't look at my reflection.

I looked at the wood of the table and frowned. It was polished so well that I could see the glittering of my eyes reflected in the finish, almost painfully, simply because there was nothing else there.

I shook my head, cleared my mind of the glassiness of that girl's eyes. I still couldn't remember her name, and for that, I felt guilty, trying desperately to forget everything I've done, and, maddeningly, nothing worked.

I groaned and pulled at my hair, half-hoping it would come out at a simple tug, to alleviate the furious pain flaring up in my chest, then picked myself up, went to the bathroom, washed my face and without changing, curled up on my bed, staring at the blank, palely painted walls of my bedroom. There was a silence I was quite happy to leave intact, with nobody to talk to, nobody to break it with.

Eventually, I decided I would go upstairs and out onto the roof, to see if I could try and get some peace out there. My brain was working overdrive, comparing Katniss and I's relationship with that of Madge and Gale. I didn't know if Katniss honestly felt anything for me, simply because it was getting to a point where we had spent so much time kissing and hugging that it was becoming second nature, and that would honestly be an incredibly fucked up relationship if that was normal, then really, what would be our more… coupley moments?

There was a knock at me door within a second and I jolted back to reality, trying not to look at myself in the mirror as I rose and answered it.

"Are you alright?"

"Do I look it?" I brought my eyes up to meet Katniss' and she looked at me, really looked into my eyes and pulled that ridiculous soul-searching crap that I knew she would pull on me, because she could read me like there was nothing there and it was written on my forehead for her to see.

"Honestly? No." She breathed, running her fingers lightly up the doorframe, then moving them across the fabric of my shirt to gently run down my cheek, her hand moving in a simple square as it came back down to rest at her right side, her left hand clutching at her right wrist, almost nervously. "Peeta, I spoke to Haymitch, he said… well, he explained what was going on about… well, your nightmares and everything."

"Do you get why it was ridiculously hard to tell you? Do you understand why it hurts?"

"I… I can't say I completely understand you." She breathed heavily and touched the ring tied into the end of her plait. I had bought that for her in District Six, simply because I thought it would suit her, sitting in her hair perfectly.

I swallowed and looked down at the carpet between our feet. It was a silvery grey and it made me think of the glittering lake in the Arena. I was so torn up about the girl standing in front of me, and how I had nearly cost her her life.

"I can't say I completely understand, because I've never done it." She touched my cheek again, a simple gesture which she'd never done before, carefully drawing her hand away from me and then bringing her hand down to trace the curve of my neck, down to my shoulder, her fingers sliding over my shirt. "But I want to understand." She nodded and took a step closer to me, so our toes were touching.

"Thank you." I managed to breathe. "Are Gale and Madge alright?"

"They've gone. You've been up here for about an hour, you know." Well, I didn't, but I do now.

I rubbed my eyes and went to turn around, to close the door and say goodnight, but she gripped my hand tightly as I moved.

"You know," She breathed, stepping forward again, "I don't know what's wrong with you Peeta, but you're not yourself." She stared at me again, trying to read me, "It's not just this. You won't look at yourself. Anything reflective, you'll look away from it. You won't look me in the eye, unless I force you to… I've seen it, getting worse in the past few weeks… why won't you-"

"Because it's so hard to know I've been living a lie." I blinked, "Especially because of you."

I couldn't help it. I panicked and the words spilled out of my mouth, my face dropped, I wrenched my arms out of Katniss' grip and stepped back into my room. She didn't try to stop me, but I could see the realisation dawning on her face. I slammed the door quickly, knowing it was rude to slam it in her face, but knowing if I looked at her for any longer, I'd probably burst into tears.

Two hours later, I felt someone's presence in my room. I was still half-asleep, I wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but I heard them cross my bedroom, closing the door and shutting off the light from behind it. They disturbed my covers slightly, and very slowly climbed in beside me, wrapping their arms around me and very lightly kissing the back of my neck.

I made no motions to let them know I'd heard them, I wasn't sure if I was actually awake or dreaming, or what the hell was going on.

I shook lightly as her hand ran up my bare arm and she whispered something to me. I wasn't sure what it was, it was too quiet to understand, but I wasn't going to push her away.

"Sweet dreams, Peeta." Katniss murmured. I closed my eyes and was asleep within a second.

_**Katniss**_

I was sure he hadn't heard me. I was sure he was asleep as I crept into his room last night, determined to be there for him, determined to not leave him alone in the darkness to battle with his nightmares.

I was honestly surprised that he slept well. He didn't wake in the night and he didn't… scream once. It was four in the morning when I woke up and crept out of bed. He smiled as managed to extricate myself from his arms, pulled myself up and crept from his room, trying not to make a sound.

Effie was knocking at the door by seven o'clock, telling us we should have been up hours ago, that we had to get to school now. I answered the door, bemused and confused, because school didn't start until ten, and we weren't… we-

"Where's Peeta?" She said, and I know I replied too quickly.

"Don't know."

She smirked at me and I sat down heavily at the table, still nibbling at my toast. I stumbled as I reached the sink to put the dishes in to wash up, and I felt a pair of hands catch me so I didn't fall. I twisted to see Peeta's face about six inches from mine, then he pulled me closer and rested his lips close to my ear.

"Thanks for last night." He said, and I swallowed, wondering what he meant. He kissed my cheek and released me, touched my cheek softly and stole my toast from my plate.

"I… erm-"

"Oh, good morning, Effie!" Peeta grinned at her and took a bite from the toast I desperately wanted. I should have kicked him then and there, but Effie cleared her throat, "Assuming you're not here to give me a giant present, what can we do for you?"

"You've got school." His bright eyes dulled and he sighed loudly, rose and looked at me.

"Come on then. Let's get the day over."

_Bipolar much?_

"Peeta, it's only eight now, you've got ages until-"

"I know, but…" He sighed and took another bite of the toast again, "Won't Katniss and I need to work out a gameplan?"

"No, why would we-" I breathed out, and Katniss realised. "Oh."

"Oh indeed."

-xx-

… -x-x- …

_When did you last think "Oh shit?" ? Why? _

_**I'll update, if you review? How's that for a compromise? Can we have some words on my characterisation? I want some opinions… what do you want more of, less of… ?!**_

_**Xxx**_

_**A/N:2 - to my anonymous reviewers:**_

_**Nairobi: **__Glad you're loving it, and yeah, we're FINALLY getting somewhere! It's madness and I'm really sorry they didn't get to where they were supposed to get to today, your birthday present chapter will be up tomorrow, my head has been getting worse all day, and I've been trying to type it all up as fast as possible, but I honestly feel like I'm gonna throw up… very, very quickly… I'll post tomorrow and hope you enjoy this and tomorrow's update…Xx_

_**Ruerose: **__Thank youuu!! xx_

_**Angie: **__I'm sooo glad you're loving that theyre finally getting somewhere, and I'm really sorry I've left you there, but I've explained at the top, I'm sure you've got catching Fire by now, I reckon she'll definitely take quite a while for her to realise that she loves Peeta… personally, I was in love with him on the front page lolol : ) Hope you're enjoying this!!! Please do let me know! Xxx_

_**Ebony: **__Thank you so much for the review! I'm so pleased you're loving this and I'll be updating with the second half of this chapter tomorrow! I'm happy to say that Peeta and Katniss will be together… very, very, very soon! And I mean… well, VERY soon : ) I'm really pleased you're hooked and that you're utterly loving this! Hope you enjoy this one! xx_

_**Jamika: **__Hihihi!! I'll be updating this tomorrow, again, and I'm seriously sorry I was late. Please check out the authors note at the top for all the details. Lololol! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! It's really getting good to write and I'm loving it so much! I hope you are too!! xx_


	9. Chapter 8: PART B

_**Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though.**_

_**~ If you left an anonymous review - please check the authors note at the bottom of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there'll be a reply down there… **_

_**Hope you enjoy this one… : ) **_

_**Of course, I only ask for three things - Read on, Enjoy, and REVIEW!!! **_

_**-x-x-x- **_

_**Here be Dragons… no, wait, that's the wrong thing… **_

_**Here be… the 2nd**__** half of chapter 8. Next update should be Saturday or Sunday.**_

Please review!

_**-x-x-x- **_

_**Peeta**_

I rubbed my eyes as I stepped out of the car. It was ridiculously bright and I needed to get inside before my head started pounding. I wasn't exactly sure what had brought the headache on, but it had appeared, suddenly, as soon as I'd clambered into the large, dark car, painted black with tinted windows. Honestly, right now, school was _not _the place I wanted to be now."Hey!" The voice made me jolt out of my reverie and I turned, a grin slowly spreading across my face as I saw Danyl and Levan throwing a ball between them and waving me over. I glanced at Katniss, nodded at her and she grinned back, letting me know it was alright for me to go. I practically sprinted across the tarmac, gesturing for them to pass to me and as soon as they did, I took two steps and jumped, slamming the ball into the basket on the wall like I'd done every morning for six years. They laughed and shook their heads as I practically collapsed on my landing, falling onto my arse and looking up at them both, their faces trying to offer concern but not succeeding.

"Hey yourselves." I nodded at them and swept my hand through my hair. They offered their hands to me and yanked me to my feet.

"How've you been, dude? I mean, we know how you've been! And I mean, well done for coming back alive, I don't know, it was manic, we were well worried about you-"

"I know, it was crazy, I couldn't sleep. Specially watchin' that girl Glimmer-" Levan wolf-whistled and I shook my head at him.

"Lee, she was a bitch. Not a patch on Katniss with the bow but she thought she knew shit-"

"Ladies, please…" Danyl jumped in and laughed because by Levan's expression, he'd been quite taken with Glimmer and her shiny diamond clothes. "We both know Peeta's right, as usual." He laughed again, "And, he's lost a lot of weight, what's happened, mate, you been in the Starvation Games, rather than the Hunger Games?" He jabbed me in the ribs lightly and I shook my head.

"'S'all muscle, Boss." I grinned, flexing my arm stupidly. Danyl reached forward and prodded my bicep as he inspected it. He was our basketball team captain, a sport that had carried on through the ages and never really got lost. We were some of the best in the district, our school,

"Shit man, tha's ridiculous."

"What?! Nah! Just keeping me occupied across the districts." I looked at him and waited for the subtle dig about Katniss that I was sure was about to come. He didn't speak, simply nodded and grinned.

"I get you man, there can't've been much to do, seriously, it looked pretty crap out there. I guess Katniss was the only real distraction…"

"Haymitch was kind of cool, though. I have to say, drunk a lot, very, very drunk, but kind of funny."

"I guess so." He nodded and I watched him for a long minute as he glanced at Levan and then across at me. "Dude," He said, staring right into my eyes, "We've actually missed you."

I looked at him and felt my face curve into a smile. They were like my brothers; they were so close to me and knew everything about me. I was stunned that they'd told me they missed me, more than anything, because I didn't think anyone, _anyone _at all would have missed me if I'd gone. I stepped forward and gave my best friends a man-hug, then followed them into the main hall for morning assembly.

I was genuinely tired by the time our headmaster came past my row and lightly kicked my chair to keep me awake. Our school was pretty stuck in the past, we still had corporal punishment, and for those that were on the verge of being expelled, their names were threatened to be entered into the Reaping Tombola an extra time, just to teach them a lesson.

_I never was sure if they were or not, but I knew our District wasn't averse to trying to please the Capitol like that… _

That's how I'd managed to get my name entered an extra two times two years ago. Danyl, Levan and I had made bets on how inconspicuously we could get up onto the roof. I had drawn the short straw and ended up going last, nearly falling off and essentially blowing the bet for all of us. Danyl had been entered twice, I'd been entered twice, and Levan had been entered three times for being cheeky on the way to the head's office.

"Stay awake, Bro." Kiran's voice came from behind me; I twisted to see him sitting comfortably, out of convention as usual, his arm lightly around Ella, who waved at me shyly. "She's transferred. So I joined her for another year. How does that sound to you?"

"Pathetically needy?" I offered, and she grinned at me, blushing again. "You alright, Ells?"

"Yeah, thanks." She nodded, and I couldn't help but laugh at her District Eight accent.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" And my attention switched focus to the Principal, standing at the front of the hall, gesturing and making faces, irritating me and boring me in equal measure.

He congratulated Katniss and I on the whole _survival _thing, and we had to stand up, embarrassed by the rest of the crowd of faces staring back at us. I didn't realise we were so close to each other until I saw her sitting a row in front of me and fourteen across, two separate form classes, alphabetically ordered. I had been so distracted and tired… and now I felt awful, and as though this was a test for us. As though we could break our carefully built façade by just being fifteen people apart.

_**Katniss**_

I went to look for Peeta after class. I wasn't sure where he'd be, but I'd seen him disappear off to the basketball courts for his last lesson, so I assumed he'd be there, still changing. I pushed the door to the gym open and I was suddenly met by a blast of giggling, a small throng of girls I didn't know were crowded up on the rows of bleachers, staring down at the game going on on the court.

Peeta's other; dishwater-blonde friend was standing under the net, watching as Peeta took two steps from the half-court line and threw the ball. It made an irritatingly satisfying swish, and I felt something bubbling up inside me as I heard those girls ooh-ing and aah-ing at his various shots. He cast his eyes across them as he crossed the hall to retrieve a bottle of water, sat down with his other friends and looked over at the doorway, right at me.

His face lit up and I stepped a little closer, he waved me over and as I crossed the polished floor, I heard the whispering start, getting louder as I approached. Peeta offered me his seat on the bench, got up, stretched and grinned at me.

"Exactly, Danyl." His friend with the dishwater blonde hair nodded and threw him the ball, "Alright Katniss?" He'd taken gym as an extra option, I assumed. He'd been in here two hours, at least, because I hadn't seen him crossing the corridors to another room.

"Yeah, not too bad, sweetheart." I let myself wink before I could think of anything else to say, "Mean skills."

"Thanks." He laughed, "Bet you never knew I could do that." It's his turn to wink, and I have to blush, before I say something stupid. Then, I reconsider, and say it anyway.

"Well, I didn't know you could do much, really." There's a chorus of _Ohhhh_'s from the boys gathered around us and then, the one I heard Peeta call Danyl pointed over Peeta's shoulder and a small voice coughed. Peeta span around and looked at the girl. She had dark, curly hair and was staring at him, almost hypnotised by his eyes.

He blinked and stepped back, and I stepped forward, rising off the bench. The girl stuck her hand out and practically molested Peeta's hand.

"I'm Avi." She said, taking another step towards him. He stepped back and stumbled, and she looked at him again, "It's really nice to meet you, Peeta-"

"Yeah," He nodded and shook her hand, and I felt a surge of jealousy coursing through me as she batted her eyelids at him and flipped her hair. I actually heard the growl I was making before I had registered that it was me creating the sound. "I-"

She took another step towards him and he made a noise, trying to back off from her, but being half-trapped by the semi-circle of guys around him, and me, standing almost at his back, furious, but not entirely sure why. He trod on my foot and swore furiously.

"Sorry, Katniss." Avi, the girl said, almost trying to cover his back for him.

Then I realised that she was apologising for what she was about to do. She gripped his hand tight and pulled him up to her so their chests were pressed together, I wondered if she was going to kiss him or kill him, then my feet moved, she was about six feet away from us and my body was pressed against his.

My hands found their way up his arms, sweaty and hot from the sport he'd been playing, they slid up and my fingers knotted in the hair at the back of his head, pulled him down, pressed his lips to mine.

I was kissing him.

_I _was kissing Peeta.

I was… kissing him, and my stomach was doing backflips.

"Excuse me!" Avi, she tugged at my shoulder but I dropped my hand and waved her off, she huffed and I heard her feet clattering across the gym floor, but I ignored it, tried to forget that everyone else was around.

I pulled back, let my eyes flicker open and stared at Peeta, who looked thoroughly overjoyed, his eyes sparkling and his mind clearly working overdrive.

"Katniss-" He started, and I dropped my hands, took a step back and grabbed my book-bag, whimpered pathetically, hating the noise I'd made, terrified of what I'd just done.

"I-" I glanced at my feet and looked back up at him, "I have to go."

And, stumbling, with every set of eyes on me, I legged it from the hall, ran out of the school gates, and straight back home, to the Seam.

My mother opened the door and I threw myself at her, sobbing.

What the hell had I done?

-xx-

… -x-x- …

_What was the most spontaneous thing you've ever done? Why? _

_**I'll update, if you review? How's that for a compromise? Can we have some words on my characterisation? I want some opinions… what do you want more of, less of… ?!**_

_**Xxx**_

_**A/N:2 - to my anonymous reviewers:**_

_**Ruerose: **__Thank youuu!! Erm, sadly, we don't get Catching Fire until the 7__th__! So looong away, but I'll have to wait! I'm really quite hoping that Gale turns out evil, it could be quite funny! But PLEASE don't send spoilers lolol xx_


	10. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though.**_

_**~ If you left an anonymous review - please check the authors note at the bottom of this chapter. I'm pretty sure there'll be a reply down there… **_

_**Hope you enjoy this one… : ) **_

_**Of course, I only ask for three things - Read on, Enjoy, and REVIEW!!! **_

_**-x-x-x- **_

It's short again, I know. It's a Katniss chapter though. They're usually short. I think I write Peeta better? What do youuu think?

_**Next update should be Thursday.**_

_**-x-x-x- **_

_**Katniss**_

I managed to compose myself after about twenty minutes of just sitting there, crying, tears tracking down my face and my mother gently running her fingers down my spine, trying to calm me without encroaching too much on my pain.

"Are you alright, Katniss?" The voice stunned me, and I looked up to see my little sister looking at me, thoroughly confused. The look on her face pretty much summed up the confusion I felt in the pit of my stomach.

"Yes, Prim… well, I suppose so." I shrugged and sipped at the goat's milk she had set in front of me. It was warm, it must have been fresh.

"Are you sure?" She frowned slightly, reached out to touch my hand lightly and I jerked my fingers back from her skin, almost afraid to touch her. She made a noise, confused, and looked at me for a long minute. "What happened?" She had grown up a lot over the past month. I could see it in her eyes. She was small and slight still, her hair woven into a complicated braid that went all around her head and trailed down her back without even a moment's thought for the volume of ribbon it must have taken up.

"I kissed him." I managed to whimper, and she looked at me like I was a complete raving lunatic. "In public."

"Who, Peeta?" I nodded mutely and she burst out laughing.

"Wh-what's so funny? I don't see why you think this is-"

"Katniss. Katniss… you've been kissing him in public for the best part of a month." She managed to burst the words through giggles.

"B-but you don't understand… this was different-"

She looked at me like I was mad again, and I attempted to process the words, tried to put them in an order and work out what the hell was going on inside me before I opened my mouth. I swallowed awkwardly and shook my head.

"You don't understand. Don't worry." A pause, "Listen… it just…"

_It just didn't make sense. I didn't know what I was doing… he was just standing there, and I couldn't stop myself. He was mine to play with, not hers to touch and prod and kiss when she wanted to. He had told the world he wanted me, and I couldn't help but… I needed him._

_I wanted to spend time with him, to really get to know him, and I wanted to ignore everything else going on around us. I wanted it to be us. _

I looked over at my sister, staring at her for a long minute as she held my gaze, then looked away. I breathed out and sighed, knowing my sudden disappearance had probably terrified Peeta and the others, but only caring that Peeta might be worried.

"I…" I looked at Prim and she was frowning lightly.

"Do you like him, Katniss?" She said, and I was struck by the innocence in her gaze. Didn't she understand I had been acting in the arena? Didn't she understand that everything was different now? That everything I had to feel then came naturally now?

_Did I just-I couldn't… _want_ him, could I?_

"I… I think I do." I murmured, looking up into the doorway. No. No Peeta. Only the soft sheets of rain that would soak me on my way home.

… -x-x- …

_The Last time You cried was…? _

_**I'll update, if you review? How's that for a compromise? Can we have some words on my characterisation? I want some opinions… what do you want more of, less of… ?!**_

_**Xxx**_

_**A/N:2 - to my anonymous reviewers:**_

_**Ruerose: **__Gale would be the MOST ingenious villaiin ever… but hey, I've got ANOTHER day to wait for Catching Fire… this is ACTUALLY killing me, it's awful! I'm glad you loved the chapter, and I'll update ASAP! Love ya xxx_

_**CiZzY!!!: **__Aww! Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it, and seriously, it's hard to think of your most-spontaneous move, isn't it? Haha I'll be updating soon, but I'm back at school from tomorrow, so …. Could take a while …. Hope you're enjoying! Xx_

_**Jamika: **__Thank you for the critique! I'm so pleased you thought the boys' conversation was realistic, I did try and keep it sane… and of course it's a bonus for the ladies to want Peeta… it gave Katniss something to do, didn't it - ridiculous jealousy and ridiculous spontaneity… excellent combination : ) I think this chapter will have probably explained everything to you about Katniss, but yes, it was mainly embarrassment, fear and a lot of confusion - there was genuine feeling behind this kiss, whereas the others had been… for show, shall we say? I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I'll update soon, hope to hear from you again… (with more fantastic con-crit?) Love ya xxx_

_**Nairobi: **__Ingenious use of Motherf.. Traffic! Love it, thoroughly, and brilliant! I'm glad you love the chapter, and you know I live for cliffies, they are like the life and soul of the party : ), hope to hear from you again (I'll reply to your email in a few minutes) xxx_


	11. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer: I love Suzanne Collins. She created these marvellous, Gorgeous Characters, and I feel privileged to be messing with them. I don't own them, never will and make no profit. Still love them though.**_

_**~ You know the Anonymous Review drill by now. Replies are down there… -points to the bottom of the page-**_

_**Hope you enjoy this one… : ) **_

_**Read on, Enjoy, and REVIEW!!! **_

_**-x-x-x- **_

Find the pun! Find the Pun! Cookies to those that find the puns!

I had my first A2 Geography lesson today. My teacher is James Bond. I'm sure of it.

FIND THE PUNS!

_**Next update should be wednesday.**_

_**-x-x-x- **_

_**Peeta**_

I dropped my hands to my side and looked over at her retreating back, her brown corduroy bag slung heavily over her shoulders, her strides long and calculated, but hurried and frightened. My face was burning, the feeling spreading up from the bottom of my neck and rising to turn my face a blazing crimson, my eyes clouding over with embarrassment as she slammed the double doors to the gym behind her and ran.

"Dude?" Danyl was looking at me curiously, his hand running through his hair and his eyes wider than usual, "Dude, what just happened?"

"Well, I think Katniss just snogged him outta jealousy, and then she ran off," Levan said simply. Both of us gave him a look that said _'well done, genius,' _and he smiled widely, missing our rolled eyes and confused expressions.

"Seriously, man, wake the fuck up." Danyl pulled a face at Levan and he shrugged. "She's obviously upset about something; what did you do?" He turned to me this time, and I felt my face heat up. I shook my head violently.

"I don't know what I did. I didn't do anything! It wasn't me…" I let the words and excuses trickle through my mind as I pulled all my stuff together and headed toward the guys' changing rooms, the team following me, picking up their stuff as they went, the gaggle of girls up on the bleachers dissipating as we walked away.

I heard a couple of them say I must have been a _mind_-_blowing_ kisser, then one or two evaluating my, erm, apparently obvious skills in bed. I ignored it the best I could, though as Danyl feigned adoration and Levan looked at us like we were lunatics, I felt the embarrassment surge through me again, my face reheating almost immediately, humiliation making me duck my head and keep my eyes on the floor, trying to look anywhere but at my mates. They were so… irritating sometimes.

Part of me hoped, as I shoved my trainers into my locker and pulled on a fresh shirt from the shower I'd just had, that Katniss would be standing in the Gym by the time I left the red-painted room, that she would take my hand and lead me off elsewhere, tell me she loved me and that her attempted escape a few seconds ago was due to a nervous disposition, or her fear of being in the public eye.

The rational prat inside me told me that I was being moronic and she had run because she had done the dumbest thing she'd never considered. She'd kissed me, knowing that she didn't love me, but trying to save me from a rabid fan-girl who just wanted me because I was there and I'd won something. It was reality television, really, and the reality was we could die any second.

I swallowed as I thought about the poor girl I'd had to… I had… who had died in the arena. The girl that had hopes and dreams she had told me about only the day before. This was the girl who wanted to move on from Panem, to one of the countries across the Wyde Ocean and through the Lawrge Expanz that was the other continent, halfway across the world to teach children.

I had taken that opportunity away from her, just as Cato had taken the opportunity from eleven others, Katniss from one, Glimmer from three and the other Tributes… well from the others. I swallowed as I looked up at the doorway, not a single person remaining in the gym or the locker room, and felt quite alone. I swallowed again and looked back down at the wooden floor, determined to not look at anyone as I left the building.

The fine mist of rain that was sliding down through the air and collapsing onto my already damp skin was half welcome, half-hated. My lips curved up into a smile as I rolled my shoulders and started jogging for shelter, my leg twinging lightly after a few seconds. My knee locked out and I stumbled, but caught myself before I could do any serious damage. I was really getting used to the abuse my body suffered almost daily, stupid knocks and scars that came from running my arse off to get away from all my problems.

_That, Danyl, is why I'm a skinny fucker. _

"Oi! Peeta, are you coming in?" Kiran's voice made me jolt, and I looked over at him, nodding furiously. He was standing with an umbrella, watching me, his eyes wide and almost fearful. He considered me for a minute, looking into my eyes and then staring me up and down. "You look really smart, you know that."

"Erm, thank you." My brother, complimenting me? Something was up.

"I wasn't finished, dolt." I looked at him, he was grinning but his tone was furious and a little _you're not going to like what I've got to say, _"I was going to say, you bloody look really smart, but you can be a dense bloke sometimes, you know that, don't you?"

"What?" I looked at him, my brow furrowing lightly.

"You need to go and find her, and you need to do something. I don't care what it is, and I really don't want to know, but the pair of you need to break down the walls between you and fix whatever's wrong."

I opened my mouth to respond and his smirk wipes everything I could have said out of my mind.

"Fuck you." I retort. "Make my excuses, would you?"

"Only cuz I love you brother." Kiran held his fist out to me, I knocked it with my own and he rolled his eyes again, smacking me hard in the arm.

"Once again, make my excuses, and fuck you." I nodded and took off running in the other direction, leaving through the top gate, feigning illness and hoping Kiran would be able to tell I'd pull that card.

-x-x-x-

_Ok, it's cold. It's wet, cold and I want to go home. With Katniss, preferably. Could somebody tell me where she is?_

"Seriously, there're only so many places you can hide in the fucking Seam." I growled furiously, to nobody but myself. I groaned as I turned another corner and was met, once again, with a deserted street.

Thirty-seven minutes later, I turned back to the _Winner's Circle, _let myself into the house and found a towel and a couple of blankets. I was freezing cold, feeling sick and pretty sure that Katniss had gone somewhere she didn't want to be found. I figured I could go back out later to find her if she wasn't in by five, but at this precise moment, I was too fucking cold to move, and it was frustrating me a lot.

I found an old digital music player resting on the coffee table in the living room - I'd not had a proper chance to explore, but this had been in plain view all the time. Lightly tapping the screen, I stuck the playlist on shuffle and left it to go about its merry way. The beats emanating from the speakers built into the walls, though light and airy, were fast paced and beautiful, relaxing but tightly wound up, something to love but something to get annoyed by because of its incessancy.

I rose from my chair twenty minutes later, finally dry and able to feel my toes. I shook lightly as I found coffee in the top cupboard, nearly falling from the chair I was balanced on as the leg gave out and snapped off. One more thing messing with my body. I cursed aloud again, picked up the chair and put it by the door, knowing I could take it out to the market and get it fixed on Saturday. I _would _get it fixed on Saturday, because if I didn't do these things, the place would fall to shit, and I would only blame myself.

At quarter past five, I left the house to a horrific downpour, even with an umbrella, my hair was plastered to my head in seconds, my shirt becoming a second skin by the time I reached the gates further down the street. I swept a hand through my hair, knowing that it was standing up at ridiculous angles and I probably looked like a moron, but not really caring.

Honestly I think I was past caring. There was nothing at this point that would bother me, I was tired, I was sick of nightmares, and I was sick of holding everything in, holding in all of these thoughts, desperately trying to hold myself together to try and keep hold of everything before I went insane. There was nothing that actually bothered me any longer.

The rain was still sheeting down as I stepped back down towards the main market square. As I stepped past the bakery, I looked in through the window and saw my father setting trays on the counter, my brother Orrin looking at the loaves of bread as though they had mortally offended him.

"Hey, you." I turned at the sound of her voice, seeing her half-silhouette, half-soaked in the rain.

"I wondered where you'd gone." I took a step forward. "You're soaked…" She looked at me, quirking her eyebrows lightly, "Well… get under the umbrella." I gestured and she joined me.

"Er… I'm really sorry for…" She blushed and looked away, flicking a hand through her braid, it dripped at the end. "I shouldn't have run out-"

"Well, I can't say I handled it well-"

"I wanted to tell you, but… I mean, you were with your friends, and I just couldn't-"

"Katniss?" I laid a hand across her mouth and she looked at me, her dark eyes bright in the rain. I leaned over, the umbrella falling sideways slightly, dousing us with raindrops as we crept closer to each other, hardly daring to move but honestly, there was nowhere we'd rather shift to at that moment.

Her lips were soft and sweet as they melded against mine, twisting with my lips, touching gently, then pulling back and trying again. My fingers shifted down her arm, I gently slid my hand into the small of her back, her fingers laced together around my neck, pulling me down to her level, holding me tight.

She swallowed as she pulled away, rain dropping from the tendrils of hair on her forehead, sliding down her cheek to rest at the corner of her lips. She smiled lightly and wiped it away with the tip of her finger.

"Let's go home."

… -x-x- …

_Your favourite thing to do when it's raining?_

_**I'll update, if you review? How's that for a compromise? Can we have some words on my characterisation? I want some opinions… what do you want more of, less of… ?!**_

_**Xxx**_

_**A/N:2 - to my anonymous reviewers:**_

_**Ruerose: **__STILL waiting for the stupid book to come! I've ordered it off amazon because I can't trust my local bookshops. Gah! I hope you enjoyed this chapter too, I hope it was fair length and it made a lot of sense, it's all starting to come together now : ) Hope you enjoyed, let me know! Love ya xxx_

_**Jamika: **__That's the kiss I think everyone's been waiting for… what do you think? She's finally got her head sorted, but I wonder if there's more to it than this… hope you enjoyed the chapter! I'll update soon, hope to hear from you again… (with more fantastic con-crit?) Love ya xxx_

_**Nairobi: **__Hope this one's good! I'm really pleased you loved the characterisation of Katniss in this and most definitely this one's a bit longer than the last - it's Wednesday that's probably going to be the longest yet, a lot of explanations, apologies and just making sense of it all… Yush, Katniss is ALWAYS confused, and she never talks to anyone, really, it should be nice, for a change, for her to talk it out with Peeta… maybe? : ) xxx_


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